


Renascent

by geez



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, SHINING STAR RANCH HAHAHA I HATE MYSELF, frank says ma'am a lot, let's be real though cowboy!frank is what we all didn't know we needed, that one time karen went on a cross country road trip and it was magical, this is the modern rancher au that none of you asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-02 10:57:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6563512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geez/pseuds/geez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karen turns her head out the window, drinking in the beauty of the big sky country. The land is beautiful, an untamed country daring the people to come play conqueror. There is something about the unrefined, rugged scope of the land that just speaks to her. It’s nothing like the urban beauty of New York, or the cultivated roughness of Yellowstone. No, Montana is a completely different entity. The land seems like a living thing, taking a breath with the wind and exhaling on the wings of the hawks gliding over the ground. </p><p>Or: </p><p>Karen goes to Montana and meets a cantankerous cowboy named Frank Castle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this story honestly came out of nowhere. One moment I was a normal person and the next I was googling Montana ranches and how far Philipsburg is from Helena. A thousand thank you's to the Goddess of Grammar, silbecoo, who took the time to read this chapter and help me work out the kinks, I am forever in your debt.
> 
> 4.19.16- I changed something in Chapter One so that it flows better with where the plot is heading. Nothing major, don't be alarmed.

_Then, she began to breathe, and live, and every moment took her to a place where goodbyes were hard to come by. -R.M. Drake_

_Hell’s Kitchen-New York, New York_  
_3 Months Ago_

“Foggy, I can’t stay here. I feel like I’m suffocating, like this city is cutting off my oxygen and laughing the entire time.” She says, hands wringing, looking around her small apartment, trying to see if she’s forgotten anything in her frantic packing. “I have to get away.” 

“Where will you even go? Just take a couple seconds to think, Karen! You’re being completely ridiculous.” 

“I don’t know where I’m going but I can’t _be here_ anymore.” Finally, Karen looks at her friend. Dear Foggy Nelson, so sweet, so kind, and yet completely not what she needs. Hell, she doesn’t even know what she needs but it isn’t this; it isn’t fighting the good fight with Foggy and Matt, no matter how much she tried to make it be. This city is making her claustrophobic, like everything is coming in at all sides, ready to swallow her whole. She has to get away. She has to run. She’s done it before. It hurt less when she left Vermont, though. Karen takes a breath and crosses the room, folding Foggy into her embrace. “I’m so sorry that I’m doing this to you but it’s for the best. I promise I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.” 

“You had better call me whenever you can or I will go _Saving Private Ryan_ on your ass, you hear me?” Karen lets out a watery laugh. “I’m completely serious right now, Karen. You are not going to disappear on me.” 

She pulls back, gives him as brilliant a smile as she can manage, and says, “I’ll keep in touch. I promise.” 

_Fitzgerald, Montana_  
_Present Day_

The sign says “Welcome to Fitzgerald, Population: 657” and Karen figures it’s as good a place to stop as any. It’s a quaint town, just like every other small town she’s stayed in. The storefronts say things like Jewel’s Cafe and Fitzgerald General Store, as if Walmart is a far off nightmare. There is no sign of a Starbucks or McDonalds here, no chain anything. This is the type of town where the people have fought for their place and keep it with everything in them, she can tell. She spies the open parking spot in front of Jewel’s Cafe and pulls her beat up little car next to the giant truck with the star on the side. She doesn’t get out, just turns off the car and lays her head on the steering wheel. 

Karen can honestly say she hasn’t been this exhausted since she went from Philadelphia to Washington D.C. in the middle of the afternoon only to discover that it wasn’t just New York. She hated cities in general. Sitting in a shady motel, looking for expensive, unsafe apartments, Karen suddenly had the overwhelming desire to see the stars. No matter how clear the sky, all the light pollution from the big cities drowned out any hope of that. She had checked out of her motel the next morning, got onto the I-270 N and was in a little Pennsylvania town called Mount Pleasant four hours later. 

That had been okay for about a month and a half, then she got restless again. Something in her mind just said, _The stars aren’t big enough_ , so she’d made a list of all the places she wanted to see and started driving. She ended up in Chicago after a phone call from Foggy, _“You have to try Chicago style pizza, Karen. You can’t drive through Illinois and not try Chicago pizza, it’s a sin.”_ , and because she had wanted to see the water. Karen stayed there for a week, until she heard gunshots walking back from the pier. After that, she decided that she wanted to see something incredible so she googled “Chicago to Mount Rushmore” and that’s how Karen ended up on Interstate-90 West for 13 hours. 

Those nine days had been filled with hiking and wondering at the marvelous beauty of the earth. She’d never seen anything quite like it until just that moment and Karen couldn’t understand why it had taken 29 years for her to see mountains that stretched towards the sky like that. It was breathtaking but still, she wanted _more_. There had to be more. She needed more. The Baileys, an older couple who had asked her for directions whilst hiking and taken a shining to her, suggested she accompany them to Yellowstone. 

“Oh, Karen, dear, you have to come with us.” Molly had said, Jen nodding alongside her wife. “It’s absolutely gorgeous there.” 

“I couldn’t intrude on your anniversary trip, Molly.” 

“Nonsense.” Jen had said firmly. “We’ve been together 25 years, we can take a few days being around such an amazing young woman.” Jen took Molly’s hand, holding it tightly. “We never got to have kids, and I know this is awfully presumptuous of us but _if_ we had had a child, we’d like to think they would be a lot like you.” 

She still remembers how her eyes had swelled with tears, she had been so alone before she’d stumbled upon Molly and Jen, could barely remember how to speak to people other than Foggy, and now these women were saying that they saw her as a daughter? She couldn’t leave them, not yet. 

So Karen stayed with Molly and Jen Bailey for two weeks before they had to go back to their life in Trinidad, Colorado. She wandered around the countryside, just driving, for a couple days, trying to get used to being alone again. Incredibly, Karen felt more empty than before, now that she remembered what it was like to be around people. She somehow ended up in Montana and about two hours of her driving almost exclusively westward found her passing a sign that said “Welcome to Fitzgerald” and falling asleep in front of Jewel’s Cafe at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. 

A sharp knock on her window jerks Karen from whatever stupor she was in. She shoots up, blonde hair whipping around her, turning to see a pale, slight woman with dark hair. “You gonna come in or what?” 

Karen doesn’t say anything, just grabs her purse, takes her keys out of the ignition, and gets out of her car. “Sorry, it’s been a long-” 

“Day?” The woman wryly interjects. 

“Couple months.” 

At the look on Karen’s face, the woman drops her sarcastic smirk. “Jesus, come inside, have a coffee. I’ll get you one of Trish’s blueberry scones.” As Karen takes a seat on a stool, she hears a voice yell out. “I’m Jessica by the way.” 

While Jessica gets her food, Karen digs out her wallet and checks to see if she even has enough to pay for coffee and a scone anymore. Three months of drifting have not been kind to her bank account. Sure enough, she has 50 dollars and 34 cents to her name. “Dammit,” she whispers. 

To take her mind of the inevitable, Karen gets up to make a sweep of the coffee shop. There is a picture above the countertop of two women, a blonde and Jessica, standing in front of the green and white storefront, smiling like they just won the lottery. Next to that picture is a framed dollar, presumably their first. The walls seem like a shrine to the town; kids in sports jerseys, newspaper clippings by someone named Ben Urich. The wall is an eclectic array of tastes, with pictures detailing past town fairs resting next to a chalkboard that says “Do not talk until coffee has been ingested”. She even spots a “Feel the Bern” poster right next to a silhouette photo of a man on a horse. On the wall by the front door is a bulletin board with flyers about a book club that meets on Wednesday nights, a lady offering piano lessons, someone’s daughter’s lost cat. Karen steps closer to take a better look at the picture on the flyer, the little girl put her cat into a fluffy pink sweater, when she sees the plain white, dirt smudged flyer that says “Help Wanted: Ranch manager, short term. Guaranteed lodging and good pay. If interested come to Shining Star Ranch.” 

Karen just means to read the flyer and move on but for some reason she plucks it from the bulletin and returns to her seat, never looking far from it. “Okay, I brought you every kind of creamer we have, and here’s your scone.” Jessica sets down the coffee cup with mountain scenery painted on the mug and the admittedly delicious looking scone. Karen expects to be left alone after that, but Jessica sits herself down instead. “So- where ya from?” 

Karen laughs incredulously. “Shouldn’t you get back to your other customers?” 

Jessica raises her eyebrows, makes a big show of looking around the empty coffee shop. “What customers we talkin’ ‘bout here? I got time, I’m curious, and from the looks of it, you haven’t got anywhere to be.” 

There is a long silence as she picks apart her scone, taking small bites simply to annoy the hell out of Jessica. It works. Finally, she says, “New York.” 

Jessica’s eyes widen. “Damn, girl. What are you doing out here?” 

Karen shrugs noncommittally, uncomfortable talking about what lead her here. “I needed to get away, and I guess I ended up here.” 

The other woman nods, dark hair swishing around her face. “Fair enough. You’d be surprised how many people just end up here in Fitzgerald.” 

“You?” 

“I mean, I guess, but nothing so spectacular as New York. Trish and I lived in Ennis, about three hours away. We moved here to get away from her piece of shit mother, but it’s whatever. She hasn’t bothered us for years.” Jessica gets lost in her own thoughts for a couple seconds before snapping back to attention and standing from her seat. “Anyways, welcome to Fitzgerald, enjoy the scone. Let me know if you need anything.” 

“Actually, could you tell me how to get to Shining Star Ranch?” Karen asks, holding up the flyer in explanation. 

Jessica’s small smile drops and her eyes go wide. “You really don’t want to do that.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because Castle will tear you apart, and I mean that literally. If you need a job, I know Ben needs a secretary over at the paper.” 

“I’ve been a secretary, it wasn’t the right fit.” Karen stands up, scone only half finished. “Look, if you won’t help me I’m sure someone else will tell me how to get there.” She turns to leave, walking purposefully, hoping to hell Jessica caves before she actually has to leave.

“Goddamn it, wait a second, okay? Let me just go get Wolf, he’ll take you.” As Jessica breezes past her out the door, she can hear her muttering about, “some crazy cityslicker.” and has to suppress a laugh. That is exactly what she is. 

Jessica comes back with a long-haired, wiry Native American boy who can’t be more than twenty-one. “Wolf, this is the crazy Yankee I was telling you about. She wants to talk to Frank about the managing gig.”

He’s about as tall as Jessica, shorter than Karen by mere inches. He looks like a good kid, not someone who would work for a guy who would “tear her apart.” Wolf jumps forward, hand open and smile brilliantly wide. “Nice to meetcha, I’m Wolf. Wolf Anders.” 

“Hi, I’m Karen.” She says, reaching forward to shake his hand. “It's nice to meet you, too.” 

“Where ya coming to us from? Because, pardon me, but you're definitely not from around here.” Wolf says apologetically, eyeing her dark, clean jeans and her sensible ballet flats. Karen has never been more glad that necessity dictated she leave much of her business wear behind. 

“Well I drove here from Yellowstone but before that I was at Mount Rushmore and before _that_ I was in Chicago but I'm from Hell’s Kitchen originally. In New York.” 

Wolf laughs, obviously delighted at meeting someone from so far away. “No shit? I’ve never been out of state let alone drive halfway across the country. You've been around, Miss Karen.” 

She gives him a small smile. _You have no idea_. “I guess you could say that.”

“Do ya have any experience managin’ a ranch?” 

“Uh, I’m afraid I don’t have any experience managing a ranch, exactly, but I was a secretary at a lawfirm for a year and an accountant before that. Anything else I need to know, I can learn quickly.” Karen says firmly. 

Wolf laughs, “Well damn, miss, I’d hire you.” He looks at Jessica. “I’ll take her down to the ranch, if anything it’ll wake the boss up.” 

“Thank you so much, Wolf, I really appreciate it.” 

“Oh it’s my pleasure. Anything for the beautiful Miss Karen-”

“Page.” Karen supplies, taking her hand back to brush her hair from her face. 

“Miss Karen Page.” They exchange quick smiles, Karen likes this kid already. “Do you want to drive behind me or ride in the truck?” 

“You should drive her, no way that little beat up car makes it up Castle Road.” Jessica interjects, she smirks at Karen. “I'll watch it for ya.It'll be safe. No one’ll try anything but if they do, I've been doing P90-X.” 

“Thanks for everything, Jessica. Really.” She says as Wolf leads her out the door, stopping at the truck with the star on the side. There are boxes of feed in the bed of the truck and other assorted groceries in the backseat. 

“I was in town picking up our biweekly order from Miss Temple over at the General Store.” Wolf explains. “I reckon you'll be taking care of that if you get the job.” 

“Got any advice?” She’s only half joking. On one hand, Jessica doesn’t seem like the type to fuck around with people, Karen thought of her as someone who was a little rough around the edges but mostly wanted to take care of others, so she had no reason to think she was lying about this Frank Castle. On the other hand, Wolf was a genuinely good kid, smart and funny, and she just couldn’t see him working for a man who instilled that kind of fear in people. 

“Don’t bring up the pictures, or the medal, in fact, kind of ignore everything on the walls. He, uh, Frank lost his family about a year ago. Drunk driver while they were driving home from the fair. Boss was the only one that made it.” Wolf explains, mouth quivering with the loss of a family he was obviously quite close to. 

“What happened to the driver?” She asked quietly, hoping someone had gotten justice for this family she didn’t even know.

“You know how it is with that shit, he was barely scratched and nothin’ really happened to him on account of his expensive Helena lawyer. Kid got a stint in a rehab clinic and parole. Apparently he disappeared a while back, no one really knows where.” 

The dark part of her mind, the one that she tried to silence at Nelson & Murdock, says _Good riddance_. “That’s tragic.” 

“That’s why we need a manager, ya see, Maria, Boss’s wife, did all that and ever since she’s died, he’s refused to set foot in the house so Sadie’s been doin’ it. She’s the only one of us who’s ever been to college, but she can’t manage a cattle ranch and work it so...here we are.” 

“Well, I hope Frank thinks I’m the one for the job.” She says brightly, trying to lighten the dark cloud that hangs over them now. 

Wolf laughs, taking his dark eyes off the road for a second, “Miss Karen, I may not know you that well but you seem like you got the stones for this gig.” 

After that, they don’t talk much. Karen turns her head out the window, drinking in the beauty of the big sky country. The land is beautiful, an untamed country daring the people to come play conqueror. There is something about the unrefined, rugged scope of the land that just speaks to her. It’s nothing like the urban beauty of New York, or the cultivated roughness of Yellowstone. No, Montana is a completely different entity. The land seems like a living thing, taking a breath with the wind and exhaling on the wings of the hawks gliding over the ground. 

She feels the truck slow, and Wolf turns left onto Castle Road. It barely constitutes the name, honestly, it’s basically poorly strewn gravel through a thicket of trees. Finally, the land opens up and they drive under a sign that says “Shining Star Ranch.” Directly in front of the truck, at the end of the drive, is a big wooden barn, painted white. Horses are grazing in the fenced in field fifty yards beyond it. Wolf parks the truck in front of a big blue farmhouse. Karen takes in the picturesque harmony of it all. The house has a big red door and a wooden swing moving gently with the wind on the porch. Instantly, a sadness she didn’t realize she carried around with her anymore eases in her chest. This place feels right. It feels good. 

“This is the main house, office is in there. I’ll drop you off there before I go find the bossman. He’s probably still out mending the northern fence. If you need anything, Sadie is in the dorm over yonder.” Wolf points behind them to a single story building that stands between everything else and the great expanse of Montana land that serves as pasture for the cattle he told her about. “And DJ is around here somewhere, most likely sweet talking that damned old Bobcat into workin’ again. He don’t talk much, you’re better off talking to Sadie. She’ll be glad to have another woman around.” 

Karen laughs. “Glad to help.” She nods toward the blue house. “So just wait in there?” 

“Yeah, uh, when you walk in, you go in through the kitchen so just go through there and the office is the room by the stairs. Can’t miss it, it’s the only room that don’t have dust coverin’ everything.” 

“Okay, thanks, Wolf.” 

“No problem, Karen.” And then he’s off, jumping back in the truck and driving past the dorm into the open land. 

She’s alone, again. _Get it together_ , her mind whispers furiously. Karen shakes her head, squares her shoulders, and walks into the house. 

It’s a beautiful kitchen, small but bright, painted white and accented with charming yellows, the kind of kitchen a happy woman has. On the fridge are drawings made by playful kids; one a mess of squiggles and one red eye that is affectionately titled “Daddy after Jack kicked him” by adult handwriting. There are pictures of a pretty blonde haired girl hugging a grey pitbull, looking happy as can be, while her brother holds a shaggy puppy in his arms. Everything is evidence of lives well lived, of happiness cut short. It makes Wolf’s story all the more heartbreaking. 

Karen finally ventures out of the kitchen, into one large rectangular room that constitutes both the living room and the dining room. There are still dishes sitting on the table, toys are strewn across the floor by the old couch. Everything has a layer of dust, a taste of disuse. No matter how happy the picture, this was no longer a home; it was a mausoleum. Walking the length of the stairs, she finally sees what Wolf warned her about.

_“Don’t bring up the pictures, or the medal...”_

There is a whole expanse of wall dedicated to Frank’s military service, pictures with his unit, one of him getting a medal. He looks serious in each picture, as most military men do, but he isn’t what she expected. He’s a squarely built man, with a prominent jaw, a nose that pays testament to fights lost and won, and dark eyes that shimmer with acute intelligence. Her first thought is that he’s quite handsome. Her second thought is one of deep, heart wrenching sadness for what this man has lost. He escaped the battlefield only to lose his family in the most commonplace way possible. 

Further on, more pictures of a joyous family, a beautiful mother smiling happily, two playfully mischievous children, their protector father looking on with a smirk that says _Look what I’ve got_. Next are pictures of Frank with his arms around Wolf and another tall man with shaggy hair and a shy smile. That must be DJ, she thinks. In front of all the men is a petite black woman, just as dirty as the rest of them, looking towards the camera with the exasperated smile of a sister. Each picture is much the same, a depiction of the bone-deep happiness that existed before tragedy struck. For a second, Karen is deeply jealous of the home that these people cultivated together then she remembers that this happiness obviously doesn’t exist anymore. 

She drags her eyes from the shrine to a family long dead, horrified at her unabashed curiosity, and marches into the office. It is only slightly less personal. There are pictures of horses that must be the ones she saw grazing beyond the barn, an assortment of dogs that consists of two pit bulls, grey and black, a giant German Shepherd, and a shaggy dog with striking blue eyes. The desk is strewn with papers, numbers and words come together to show her something achingly familiar; this ranch is in as much trouble as Nelson & Murdock ever was. 

Karen is jolted from her perusal by the incessant barking of a dog, followed by a deep voice she doesn’t recognize. “Wolf, I swear to Christ, I will send you back to the reservation if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on.” 

“Calm down, boss, someone is here about the managin’ gig, is all.” Wolf says calmly.

“Well? Don’t leave me hanging, boy, who is it? Is it Betsy? I know she’s not at the library anymore.” 

“No, no, it’s a lady who just came into town today. Her name’s Karen Page. She seems real nice.” A pause. “Says she was an accountant, before.” 

“The fuck’s she doin’ here?” At that, Karen walks out of the office to see Wolf talking to the man whose pictures she was just staring at. Except this isn’t the same fulfilled, happy family man from a year ago. The Frank Castle standing before her is achingly broken, standing tall through sheer force of will, completely covered in dirt, wearing jeans that have seen better days and work boots caked in mud. The eyes that were so full of life before are simply dark pools of nothingness now. It’s gut wrenching. Those same dead eyes widen at the sight of her, Frank stands even straighter. “Ma’am.” 

Karen puts her hand out, telling herself this is just like every other job interview she’s ever had. “Hello, I’m Karen Page, it’s nice to meet you.” 

He stares at her like no one has ever tried shake his hand before. His eyes trail over her slowly, taking in her clothes and her stance, it’s glaringly obvious that she’s not from around here. “Look, ma’am, I’m sorry for the inconvenience but we really don’t need a new manager. My ranch hands seem to think that they’ve got more of a say in how things get done ‘round here than they actually do.” Frank sends a searing side-eye towards Wolf that promises retribution. “I’m sure Wolf can take you back.” 

Wolf cocks his head, and backs slowly towards the kitchen. “You know what, boss? I think I hear DJ calling for help with the Bobcat. Better go see if he’s alright. Why don’t you and Miss Karen have a nice little chat since she came all the way up here, and I’ll go...do that.” Then the young man turns tail and scampers out the front door, long hair blowing in his wake. 

Frank just shakes his head and turns back towards her. “I’m real sorry you had to come out here.” He doesn’t look sorry at all, just mildly annoyed. “I’ll drive you back to town myself since Wolf’s lost his damn mind.”  
Karen’s eyes narrow, all good will and patience gone. “You’re not even going to ask about my credentials, my background, nothing at all?” 

“Like I said, we don’t need a manager.” He says firmly. 

“Oh, bullshit.” She forces out a laugh. “I was in that office, I saw those papers. I know what overdue bills look like. This ranch is hanging by a thread.” 

“Ma’am, I do not need your help.” 

“You know, Wolf told me about your family, what happened. It’s a tragedy, it really is, and I cannot imagine the kind of pain you endure every single day, but that is no excuse to let a place as beautiful as this _rot_. I was an accountant for a major cooperation, and after that a secretary for a struggling law firm. I know how to make ends meet and I’m guessing you know something about running a ranch, so let’s work together. Pay tribute to your family, Frank. Don’t give up.” 

For a second, the man’s face crumbles, and she can see the hurt that exists behind the angry mask from before. Life flares in his dark eyes before they shutter closed again. He takes a look around the room, remembers where he is, sees the pictures of his family, and walks out the door. 

Karen just stands there, shell shocked by her own words. 

~

Maybe she stood in that room for hours, or maybe it was just a few minutes, but when Wolf comes back in to get her, she honestly has no idea where she is. She has no idea where she’ll go next. Karen didn’t have any plan at all but from the moment she saw that flyer, _this_ became her plan. Now it’s all gone before anything ever happened. 

“Miss Karen? You ready to go pick up your car?” Wolf asks, imploringly, brushing hair out of his face. 

“Um...what?” She shakes her head, trying to come back to herself. 

“I was just askin’ if you’re ready to go pick up your car and bring it back here. Bossman said you can stay in the guest room upstairs.” 

“Wait. I got the job?” Karen asks, briefly considering whether or not she is in an alternate dimension. 

Wolf just smiles, eyes bright. “You got the job.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoever this man is now, whatever broken version of himself that inhabits his body at the moment, at one point he was something different. At one point, Frank Castle was a good man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so blown away by the response to this, I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate that so many people are excited about this. I love this story so much and I'm so excited to show you guys what I have planned. 
> 
> Now, I know that I have some OCs in here that I've described but I figured I would tell you guys how I see them.   
> Wolf Anders: Booboo Stewart (this really works because Booboo has Blackfoot heritage and Blackfoot is one of the prominent tribes in Montana)   
> DJ Wilson: You guys remember how Garrett Hedlund looked in Country Strong? That's what DJ looks like. Enjoy.   
> Sadie Heide: She's Nicole Beharie. Because I love Nicole Beharie and I like thinking about Nicole riding a horse. 
> 
> Once again, a million thanks to my beta: @silbecoo, the real MVP. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_“The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.” - Ernest Hemingway_

The drive back to Fitzgerald seems to go much faster than the trip to Shining Star. She spends most of it staring out the window, contemplating where her life now seems to be going. 

She’s got a job, which means steady income for the foreseeable future. The flyer had said that the job was short term, but she doesn’t necessarily know what that means. Karen hardly knows what month it is. She’d tried to keep track of time, but it was more in terms of how long she stayed in one place than marking days on a calendar. “Hey Wolf, what day is it?” 

“Uh, I think it’s May 17th, why?” The boy asks quizzically while staring at the bumpy road. 

Karen gives him a quick, harried smile that he can’t see. “No reason. Thanks.” _May 17th, three months almost to the day_. Three months since she left Hell’s Kitchen behind, two weeks since she last spoke to Foggy. He’s been calling her but she can’t quite bring herself to answer. Foggy is such a genuinely kind soul, and Karen knows that he only wants what’s best for her. However, what Foggy thinks is best and what Karen herself thinks often stand on separate sides of the river. Every conversation ends the same way, with him saying that he hopes he sees her soon and her giving a half-hearted promise to be back as soon as she can. 

Karen doesn’t want to go back to Hell’s Kitchen. She honestly can’t imagine ever needing a reason to. Somewhere between Chicago and Mount Rushmore she realized that she left Hell’s Kitchen because it hadn’t been home, plain and simple. Everything that’s happened to her since then has been in pursuit of a place she doesn’t even think exists most times. 

But then, god, she sees places like this. She sees the unbridled mountains reaching towards the sun and she sees the flowers blowing in the gentle breeze, and she thinks if home isn’t here, then it isn’t anywhere.

When they get to Jewel’s Cafe, Jessica comes out to meet them looking mildly terrified. She doesn’t say hi, instead rushing up and blurting out, “Quick. Save me.” 

Wolf and Karen have only a second to be confused before an irate blonde comes storming out behind Jessica. “Don’t you dare walk away from me, Jess, I’m not done with you yet! You can’t just-” 

“Trish, we got company.” Jess interrupts with a triumphant smirk. “And aren’t you the one always tellin’ me to be more polite around the customers? Why, it’d be downright _rude_ to fight in front of some nice potential customers don’t you think?” 

Trish stares at Jess in shocked defeat before pulling herself together to greet them with a happy smile. “You are so right, Jess. Hi, Wolf, how are you doing?” 

“Very well, Miss Trish, thank you.” He says with a toothy grin. “We’re just here to pick up our new ranch manager’s car and then we’ll be out of your hair.” 

Jessica turns her head and coughs out, “Traitor.” 

Trish gives Karen a kind smile. “Hi, I’m Trish Walker. Nice to meet you.” 

“Karen Page, pleasure.” 

“I know you’ll have your hands full for a little while getting used to a new job, but you should definitely come into town for our Wednesday night book club whenever you’re free. Sadie shows up when she can, says it gets suffocating being around all that testosterone.” 

“Hey!” Wolf squawks. “Sadie runs that show, don’t know what bullshit she’s been tellin’ you.” 

Karen laughs. “Thanks for the offer, I’m sure I’ll take you up on it eventually.” 

“You don’t even need a book.” Jess says. “I just show up for the shit-talking.” 

Trish looks horrified. “That’s not all it is, I swear.” The shorter blonde woman swats Jess on the arm. “Stop stirrin’ trouble.” 

She just laughs again. “I promise I’ll show up regardless.” From the corner of her eye, Karen sees Wolf begin to bounce on his feet. “We should probably go, I want to get settled in and comfortable before tomorrow. It was lovely to meet you, Trish. Thanks for watching my car, Jessica.” 

“Oh no problem at all.” 

As Karen sits down in her little beat up Honda, she feels a strange sense of displacement, as if she has somehow changed irrevocably since the last time she sat in this spot. It’s a disconcerting feeling. Her phone begins vibrating and Karen looks at Foggy’s name on the screen. Impulsively, she answers. “Hello?” 

“Karen! Finally, you haven’t been answering my calls.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy.” She says as she pulls out behind Wolf’s truck, nodding goodbye at Jessica and Trish, who have gone back to their bickering. 

“Did you make it to Yellowstone?” He asks excitedly, and Karen remembers that for all of Foggy’s education, he hasn’t really seen anything outside of New York City for a very long time, and he’s certainly never seen anything like Yellowstone.

“Oh, Foggy, it was amazing. You would love it. It’s just so open and big and I can’t even describe it properly. I’m so glad I saw it.” Karen always makes sure to throw in comments about how happy she is, how grateful she is about her decision to leave. It makes Foggy think twice about questioning her life choices. 

“So where are you going next?” 

“I’m actually in this town called Fitzgerald, in Montana. I think I’m going to stay here for a while.” Wolf turns right off the main road, and Karen follows suit as they go over a small bridge. “I got a job and everything.” 

“Wow...how long do you think you’re going to be there?” Karen can hear the disappointment in Foggy’s voice. She knows that some part of him still believes that she’ll come back eventually, mostly because she just can’t muscle up the courage to tell him that she literally _can’t_. 

“Not sure, really, until they decide they don’t need me anymore, I guess.” 

“You know, Karen, it’s been three months. Do you think you’ll come back from this...sabbatical any time soon?” 

Something in his wording and delivery rubs her the wrong way, more than any other time Foggy has asked this exact same question. Why does everyone always think she’s incapable of taking care of herself? “I can’t, Foggy, you know that. And, honestly, I would expect you to understand more than anyone.” 

“Look, Karen, come on. Matt’s really sorry. He’s always asking me about you.” 

“I don’t _care_ how Matt is feeling. This is about me. It’s always been about me. I couldn’t stay there anymore. I thought you understood that.” 

“I, I do, in theory but I didn’t expect you to stay gone this long!” He protests. Karen doesn’t have an answer for him that she hasn’t already given. This conversation is redundant. She’s beginning to remember why she didn’t take his calls for two weeks. “The Karen I know wouldn’t run like this.” 

_The Karen you know was a caricature._ “Look, Foggy, I gotta go. We just pulled in.” She barely gives Foggy time to say goodbye before she’s hanging up and throwing her phone onto the passenger seat. It was a lie, of course. She has a good fifteen minutes before they even get to the driveway. 

 

She’s just so over everyone underestimating her and trying to push her into boxes she doesn’t fully fit into. Karen tried to be Matt Murdock’s dutiful girlfriend, she tried to be a stalwart defender of justice, she tried to build something good in the rot of Hell’s Kitchen. She _tried_ , and it didn’t work out, so she left. It wasn’t because she was scared or upset or heartbroken- even though Karen felt all of those things in the moment- it was because she didn’t fit there and Karen saw no point in trying to force something that was not working. Hell’s Kitchen didn’t have what she was looking for, it couldn’t calm the raging seas of her soul, so she got in her car and went searching for something better. 

Maybe that’s too simple, too cold hearted, but Karen honestly doesn’t see anything wrong with valuing her own well being in that situation. After what Matt _did_ how could she just stay there and take it? How could anyone? 

She spends the rest of the drive lost in thought, desperately trying to distract herself. She thinks about how she got stuck in a rainstorm with a flat tire in Ohio and how she had to change the goddamn thing herself in the creepiest state imaginable. Karen hates Ohio, okay? She was driving through Pennsylvania, nice and sunny Pennsylvania, and the moment she crossed the Ohio border the sky turned grey and creepy farm houses started popping up everywhere. And she knows that she lived in Hell’s Kitchen for a good two years; but there is something about scary rednecks at gas stations in Ohio that truly triggered her flight response. 

As they’re turning into the driveway, Karen thinks that it would probably be a good idea to send an email to Molly and Jen, just to let them know how she’s doing, that she’s safe. The couple had been reluctant to leave her, they’d even tried to persuade her to go back to Trinidad with them. Karen appreciated the offer, but she simply couldn’t accept. 

She gets out of the car, resolved to keep in touch with them. They were the first people to show kindness to her in a long time. They deserved to know that she was doing alright. 

“I can help you with those bags.” It’s a deep voice, one she doesn’t recognize, and as she turns around she sees that it belongs to the tall man from the pictures. He’s huge, towering over her, but his eyes are kind, hesitant. 

Wolf bounds up, all hapless energy and joy, the complete opposite of this quiet man. “DJ, this is Miss Karen Page, our new manager. Miss Karen, this here is the best mechanic this side of Helena, DJ Wilson.” 

DJ nods politely. “Miss. Let me help with those bags.” 

Karen looks into her backseat at the meager belongings resting there. Some part of her thinks she should have more. “I really don’t have much, you don’t have to.” 

“Nonsense. Frank would have my ass if I didn’t help out a lady.” DJ says firmly as he bypasses her and picks up the largest bag. “He went out for a bit, but he said to tell you that you’re stayin’ in the guest room in the main house. I’ll show you.” 

DJ leads her inside the house, past the pictures that had fascinated her so much just an hour before, and up the stairs. At the very top of the stairs, DJ opens the door directly to the right of them. “Why am I not staying with the rest of the staff?” 

The tall man shrugs, putting her bags on the bed. “All four rooms are already taken.” 

“There’s another hand?” Karen asks, confused. Wolf had only mentioned DJ and Sadie. 

“No, no, uh,” He brings a hand up to scratch his nose. “Frank, he don’t stay _here_. In the house. He stays with us.” 

“Oh.” Her eyebrows scrunch together in confusion before she fully understands. “Oh, of course.” 

“Yeah. Anyways, bathroom is right beside you. There’s nothin’ in the kitchen downstairs so you can use the dorm’s until we make a trip to the grocery store.” The man looks uncomfortable at having talked so much. “We’re, uh, havin’ dinner over there if you wanna come over. Meet Sadie.” 

Despite how tired she is, Karen accepts. She can’t remember the last time she ate anything she didn’t have to pay for. “Sure. I’d love to.” 

~

It’s a cozy little house, warm and interjected with the kind of mess that comes from being well-lived in. “Sadie, we got company!” Wolf hollers as he bounds into the kitchen.

“Wolf I swear to god if it’s another one of your friends, I will kick your ass! You can’t keep blackmailing people into making dinner when you have people over!” 

DJ laughs, moving towards the couch. “It’s our new manager, Sadie.” 

Karen’s still standing awkwardly right in front of the doorway, but she still hears the low embarrassed “Shit.” before a short woman with beautiful curly hair comes out of the kitchen. “Hi, I’m Sadie. No one told me we finally got someone.” She says as she sends a glare towards DJ. 

“Well maybe if you didn’t go out on Monty whenever you damn well please you’d know stuff.” 

“I was checking on the new calves, dipshit.” Sadie says, looking at Karen before rolling her eyes. 

Karen laughs as she finally starts to feel more at ease. “I’m Karen, it’s nice to meet you.” 

“Oh, she’s got manners. Hear that, Wolf? Stick around her, you could learn something!” Sadie orders as DJ turns on the TV to a baseball game. “Who’s playing?” 

“Pirates and Yankees.” He answers. “Gonna be a shit game.” 

“You think every game is a shit game.” Wolf laughs as he sits beside the other man. 

“That’s because he doesn’t really know baseball. He just watches because he knows I’ll turn it on eventually.” Sadie says. “You like baseball, Karen?” 

“I like the atmosphere more than anything, I can’t watch it on TV.” She thinks back to the few times Foggy had dragged her to a baseball game, saying it was sacrilegious that she lived in New York and had never been. Karen had never quite understood the game but she loved the feeling of being in a baseball stadium as everyone thrummed with a pleasant energy. 

“I hear that.” DJ affirmed even as he continued watching the game. 

“Well, dinner will be ready soon.” Sadie says, going back into the kitchen, Karen following her. 

“What you make?” Wolf asks. 

“Guess!” 

“Chicken and rice, really? Again? What have I ever done to you?” He complains. 

“Don’t make me cook when it isn’t my night, Wolf, and I won’t make crappy food.” Sadie argues. 

Karen laughs at the dynamic of these three people. They’ve clearly spent a lot of time together, are at ease with each other. It’s something she envies. “Do you need any help?” 

“There’s beers in the fridge if you want.” Sadie says, sitting down at the round table in the kitchen. 

Karen sits with her after retrieving two drinks for herself and the dark-skinned woman. “Here you go.” 

“Thanks.” Sadie takes a moment to open her beer and take a drink. “So, did anyone tell ya what you’ll be doing, or what? They just assumed you know?” 

The blonde woman laughs. “Honestly, I’m flying blind. But I did see the office. I think I have a good idea about how much trouble this place is in.” 

Sadie nods. “Yeah, it wasn’t always like that. Before, you know, we were doing good for a little place like this. We had a good deal going with Marvin, and we supplied beef to some restaurants in Helena but...after the accident, it just all came to a standstill.” She explains. “I tried to figure it out, kept a tight budget, but we’re still hurting. The ranch still sells beef to Marvin, and most of the locals use our beef, but we need those restaurant contracts again, badly. I don’t know what’ll happen if we don’t get them back.” 

“So how would I go about that?” Karen asks. 

“Call and set up a meeting. Be charming and make them an offer they can’t refuse.” Sadie takes another drink of her beer before continuing. “It’s also good to give the ranch some exposure, you know? We used to go to fairs around the state and sell our cattle but, you know what happened. Everyone has just been so out of it, Frank worst of all, that we forgot the world kept going even when we didn’t want it to.” Karen listens intently as Sadie talks, understanding that the loss of Frank’s wife and children didn’t affect only him, every one of these people were suffering from the loss. “What we need you to do is keep a tight budget, get those restaurant contracts, keep us afloat, and we’ll take care of the rest.” 

“And what happens if it doesn’t work out? How much longer do you have with the way things are?” 

“If we don’t make some big changes by September, Frank can kiss this ranch goodbye. This place can’t survive another off season without any money left over from the summer.” 

For a second, Karen balks as the weight of how much these people are relying on her becomes clear. She doesn’t know anything about running a ranch or networking with restaurant owners for contracts. What in the _hell_ was she thinking? She can’t do this.

Right after the panic comes the flashes of all the people she’s met today; Wolf’s easy laugh, his charmingly boyish demeanor that put her at ease immediately. She thinks about DJ’s timid kindness, how he’s obviously someone who would lay down on a wire so his friends could step over. She looks at the woman across from her, this person she’s just met who is sitting proudly, strong and yet admitting that she needs Karen’s help to save her family. Karen thinks about Frank Castle’s dead eyes and the hard lines on his face from the weight he carries. _“I do not need your help.”_

She thinks about the raw beauty of this place, about how she’s only been here for a few hours and yet it’s here where Karen has found the most peace in three months of searching. Karen can’t stand by and let a place as precious as this die because she’s _unsure_. “Well, sounds like I’ve got a lot of work to do.” 

Sadie nods, relief evident in her warm brown eyes. “Sounds like you do.” There is a long silence before the other woman stands and goes to check the rice cooking on the stove. 

Karen stays seated, contemplating everything she just agreed to. 

In the next moment, the front door opens again and Frank Castle steps in, followed by four dogs. They all run into the kitchen towards the bowls of water and food that Karen’s only just noticed. She watches the dogs, two pit bulls, a German Shepherd, and a shaggy mutt, as they take big gulps of water, all four tails wagging. 

The black pitbull is the first to notice her. Karen is just setting down her beer, making a small sound, when the dog perks its head and makes eye contact before barking and racing towards her. “Hello, pretty thing.” She coos, rubbing a hand over the dog’s head. “What’s your name?” Karen searches the collar for a tag but can’t find one. 

“Gigi. Down.” Frank’s voice orders behind her. Immediately the dog backs away from her and sits, awaiting Frank’s command. 

Karen can feel her smile dim slightly, but she tries to fight it. “Oh it’s okay, she was fine.” She says, turning towards Frank. He’s somehow dirtier than before, this time with dirt streaking his face. “I like dogs.” 

His lips curve slightly before straightening again, as if fighting a smirk. “I don’t doubt that, ma’am, but if one’s all over you, all of them will be.” Frank’s eyes sweep over her, once again taking in her decidedly clean clothes, and he smiles grimly. “And I would hate for you to get dirty.” 

Karen’s eyes narrow, how _dare_ he judge her? This man doesn’t even know her. She begins to retort but Sadie speaks up first. “Shut up, Frank, and get the plates.” She interjects. 

“You know, Sadie, I am your boss.” The man grumbles but moves toward the cupboards anyways. 

“Yeah, yeah, and you can fire me at a moment’s notice I know. You’ve been saying that for four years.” Sadie says in the tone of voice that leads Karen to believe the two have this conversation often. “Dinner’s ready!” 

Wolf scampers in quickly with DJ following slightly more sedately. Wolf takes the seat next to Karen, DJ sitting beside the Native American boy. Frank quickly puts the plates and silverware down before setting himself down next to DJ, closest to the dogs. Sadie places the food in the middle of the table, sitting on the other side of Karen. “Okay,” Wolf says. “Let’s eat!” 

Despite his earlier reservations about chicken and rice, Wolf is the first to fill his plate, inhaling the food. The entire time he’s eating, he’s also trying to have a conversation with seemingly everyone at the table, even though DJ and Frank are quietly talking about moving the cattle south for a couple weeks while Sadie explains to Karen about how to make an order at the General Store. 

“It’s real simple, Claire will talk you through it. Her number is tacked up in the office, by the computer.” Sadie says. 

“Okay, thanks.” 

“I still think we should move them, man. I finished mending the fence but I saw coyote tracks and I just don’t want to take the chance with the calves.” Frank says as he discreetly feeds the big German shepherd some chicken. “There ya go, Sirius. Lay down.” 

“We should do it tomorrow then,” DJ says. “before Jack throws another shoe.” 

Wolf quickly swallows his food, piles more onto his fork. “Karen, have you ever ridden a horse?” 

Karen can feel all eyes on her, even as she maintains eye contact with Wolf. “No, can’t say I have.” 

“Oh, we need to get you on one!” The young man exclaims. “You can ride Starla, she’s pretty easy-going. Frank bought her for Lisa, but I bet he wouldn’t mind if we started you out on her. Right, Frank?” 

Karen looks across the table at Frank, he’s intently studying his dinner, resolutely not looking at anyone. He coughs, shakes his head, before looking up. “Yeah, why not?” 

“Perfect! We can’t tomorrow but how ‘bout Thursday? That sound good?” Wolf asks her excitedly. 

Karen has to tear her eyes away from Frank, who has gone back to staring at his food, to answer Wolf. “Yeah, yeah that sounds great.” 

The rest of dinner passes by quickly, nothing of any importance is said. At the end of it all, Karen thanks Sadie, says goodnight to everyone else, and heads back to the main house. As she walks up the stairs, Karen has the distinct feeling that she’s breaking some rule even though Frank was the one to say she could stay here. There’s just something that feels distinctly wrong about being in this house when he can hardly bring himself to step foot in it. 

She’s just changed into her sleep clothes when she hears the truck start, looks out the window to see it peel out of the driveway. Karen couldn’t see who was driving but as she checks the time, 9 at night, she can’t imagine that it was anyone other than Frank. 

Karen can’t fully explain it but something about that man unsettles her, as if he is determined to dismantle every assumption she has about herself and the world. It doesn’t make any sense, they’ve only spoken a handful of words to each other, but Karen already feels like she understands him on some small level. Frank Castle is gruff and uninviting, but there’s some part of him that has to be good. There has to be for Sadie, DJ, and Wolf to have stayed here, in a ranch that seems beyond saving. He had a family, he had a wife. Whoever this man is now, whatever broken version of himself that inhabits his body at the moment, at one point he was something different. At one point, Frank Castle was a good man. 

As Karen drifts off to sleep in another unfamiliar room, she has the distinct impression that she’s just been hired to save more than just a ranch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry there wasn't much Kastle interaction again but this was important plot stuff. Next chapter has a bunch more, don't worry! I'm halfway done with it so it'll be up quickly. Love you guys!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don't have to help, you know. I'm fine.” She says harshly. Her assertion is rendered useless when Starla jerks her head, causing Karen to jump at the sudden movement. 
> 
> “Oh really? Which leg do you put in the stirrup to mount?” Frank asks with an annoying smirk on his face. 
> 
> “...This one?” She asks, tapping her left leg. 
> 
> “Sure. If you wanna get on backwards.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, once again, for the overwhelming support! I love this story and I am constantly inspired by the fact that you love it too. 
> 
> Once again, my undying gratitude to my beta silbecoo for dealing with my crazy. 
> 
> This chapter comes complete with Kastle interaction, as promised. It's the longest chapter I've written thus far and definitely my favorite. ENJOY!

_"And, above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you. Because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.” - Roald Dahl_

The next day was spent organizing the office. Karen poured over the papers for hours, filing them, ranking bills in order of importance, leaving post-it notes to ask Sadie and Frank about different things. It was a long day, made even longer by the fact that every part of her wanted to go outside. The dogs were good company, though. Frank had taken Sirius, the German Shepherd, and Maggie, who was an Australian shepherd, with them to help move the cattle. This left her with Gigi and Max, the two pit bulls. 

Karen had never bought into the stereotype that pit bulls were a bad breed, always preferring to think that no animal was truly born with that kind of bloodlust. These two sweethearts were just proving her right. Gigi hardly left her side, always being right next to her, following her around the office. Max, on the other hand, simply laid down beside the desk and fell asleep, only waking up whenever Gigi barked particularly loudly. Clearly, Gigi was the more excitable of the pair. 

It’s an almost tranquil experience, if she forgets about everything that she’s reading. The ranch is doing okay, for now, but Sadie’s right. They need more income, quickly, or everything could go wrong very soon. Her work hit a standstill as she realizes that she has no idea how to go about procuring new sources of income. “Well, shit.” She mutters, setting down the electric bill. Beside her, Gigi yips impatiently, hungry for attention. “Hey, sweet girl, let’s go outside, huh? Sound like a good idea?” The black dog’s eyes light up, obviously recognizing the words. Karen laughs. “Alright, come on.” She turns and walks out of the office, through the living room and into the kitchen with Gigi on her heels and Max taking up the rear. “Ready to go outside, Max?” She asks. The old dog just humphs and walks up to her, nudges her leg as if to tell her to get on with it. Karen just laughs, already feeling lighter, and opens the door. 

Shining Star Ranch really is a beautiful property. It’s a nice domestication surrounded by the wilderness of a land man can never hope to tame. The dogs dash for the wide open spaces before them, while Karen simply stands at the door and takes it all in. She can hardly believes she’s here, in this place, at this moment when the sun is shining bright with the promise of a new day, where the wind sings sweetly across the land to brush her hair across her face. Karen’s sure that if she ventured out at night, she’d look up to see the densest blanket of stars imaginable. It’s a heady feeling, being in a place where everything feels right. She takes a deep breath of the fresh air and follows after Gigi and Max. 

The two dogs have stopped tearing through the yard and have decided to go bother the sole horse grazing in the field behind the barn. As Karen walks closer, she sees that the big black horse is doing her able best to ignore them, instead choosing to focus on her eating. The horse lifts her head to look at Karen as she stops at the fence, seems to mark her as nonthreatening before returning to the grass. “Hello, pretty girl.” Karen coos. “What’s your name?” Etched on the side of the horse’s halter is the name Starla. The blonde woman smiles. “So, you’re the horse Wolf wants me to ride, huh? Well I’m just going to apologize for my incompetence now. I’ve never ridden a horse before.” At this, Starla snorts while still tearing clumps of grass up with her teeth. “Yeah, yeah, shocking, I know. But you’re a nice girl, aren’t you, Starla?” The horse lifts her head, showing Karen the white diamond in the middle of her forehead. “Yeah. You’re a nice girl.” 

Karen continues chatting about nothing to Starla for an indeterminate amount of time, enjoying the sunshine. It’s late afternoon when Max’s head perks up from the piece of ground he’s sniffing. The grey dog barks joyously before racing past the barn towards the trail that leads to where the cattle pasture. It is not long before she hears a cacophony of barking and voices that indicates the group is home. Karen stands to go greet them, Gigi at her side. 

Wolf is the first to notice her. “Miss Karen! How’s your day been goin’?” 

Karen smiles, serene, all panicky thoughts about the ranch in the far reaches of her mind. “It’s been a good day. You?” 

The boy smiles, jumping down from his horse. “Ah, well, Blaze and I were the heroes of the day.” He says, patting the chestnut horse’s neck. “A coyote almost got a calf. We scared it off.” 

“Very heroic.” She agrees. To Wolf’s right, she sees Frank dismount from a grey horse. “I’ll talk to you later, Wolf, okay?” 

“Yeah, no problem. Gotta get her cleaned up anyway.” Wolf nods before leading Blaze towards the barn. 

Karen takes a fortifying breath before walking up to Frank. “Hey, I need to talk to you.” When he looks at her, she sees a myriad of bruises covering his face. “Jesus Christ! What happened to you?” 

Frank just ignores her, choosing instead to go back to his horse. “Don’t worry about it.” He mumbles. 

She intends to argue before asking herself why she’s so damn concerned about Frank Castle’s face. She barely knows him, and what she does know is such a confusing dichotomy of perceptions that she’s more confused by him with every passing moment. What Frank does in his spare time really _isn’t_ her business. This burst of logic does nothing to stop her burgeoning worry for the man. Still, Karen resolves to keep herself in check. “Meet me in the office when you’re done, okay?” 

Frank looks at her, obviously surprised that she isn’t arguing with him, and gives her a wry half-smirk. “Yes, ma’am.” 

~

Karen’s going over a mental list of everything she wants to ask Frank about when he walks in, quiet as can be. “You wanted to talk?” 

She jumps involuntarily, like she always does when she’s been startled. Frank’s dark eyes follow the movement, cataloguing, assessing, putting away the knowledge for later. 

“Yeah, um, I just have a few questions for you. About the old restaurant contracts your wife brokered.” 

“What about ‘em?” He asks, leaning against the wall. 

“What restaurants they were exactly, how I can get in contact with them, stuff like that.” Karen explains. “I figured it would be easier to get clients back than to try to get new ones considering how little I know about the business.” 

As Frank considers her, Karen notices for the first time how is pointer finger twitches when he’s thinking. That leads her to observe the rest of him; dark work clothes like yesterday, this time with a cowboy hat to cover the bruises. He has the air of a man who is constantly aware of his surroundings, even when lost in thought. “Maria, she, uh...it all used to be in the bottom drawer of the desk.” 

Karen shakes her head. “No, I already found that. That’s all the local places you sell beef to. Sadie told me about some restaurants in Helena but I couldn’t find anything about them.” 

Franks pushes himself off the wall and walks past her, picking up a pen and a piece of paper. “It was mainly four places, three burger joints and one upscale Italian restaurant. Their numbers should be in the computer.” 

“Okay. Thank you.” 

He just nods and looks around the room, refusing to meet her eyes before suddenly jolting her with eye contact. “You, uh, you good? Here? Stayin’ in the house?” 

Karen stares for a second, shocked that he’s asking how she’s doing, before answering quickly. “Yeah, yeah, I’m great. It’s a beautiful home.” 

Frank huffs a laugh, sounding suspiciously emotional. “Damn well better be, everything my old lady made me do to it.” He says. “Spent our entire first year paintin’ shit and buyin’ furniture that _I_ had to put together because she sure as hell wasn’t goin’ to.” 

Karen smiles obligingly, wondering how long it’s been since he talked about his family like this, happily. “I love the old piano in the living room.” 

“Yeah?” He asks, eyes shining. “Surprised that thing hasn’t been overrun with ants, the way my boy played with it. He’d put cookies in there and play soldier. We’d find the poor kid sleepin’ on cookie crumbs, tuckered out.” 

“Was he the one who liked _Harry Potter_?” Frank looks at her in surprise. “The wands in the bathroom.” 

“That was both of ‘em. Lisa and Frank Jr, they made us watch those damn movies every Friday night. Even made me name the damn dog Sirius, like, jesus fuckin’ christ.” He shakes his head at the memory. “I wanted to name the thing Butch.” 

“No offense but I think Sirius is a much better name.” She says, smiling. 

Franks nods in agreement, surveying the pictures of his family that line the walls of the office. He doesn’t answer, simply stares at his dead family for so long that she worries he’s forgotten she’s there. Finally, he coughs, looks down at the floor before his eyes dart towards her again. “Probably.” 

After that gruff word, silence settles around them again. Frank’s attention is captured once more by the pictures, particularly one depicting him and Maria on horseback, a child in each lap. He’s got his arm around his daughter, looking happier than she’s ever seen him in real life. Frank is transfixed, taking a step closer to study the photo. 

“It’s a beautiful picture.” She acknowledges, stepping beside him. “When was it taken?” 

“My girl Lisa’s last birthday.” He murmurs. “We always went out for a picnic, down by this apple tree up on the north end of the property.” Frank huffs, almost a laugh except it’s a fragile, broken sound that breaks her heart. “We’d play tag and my son, he always insisted on being it. Kid was convinced he was the Flash or somethin’, swear to god.” Abruptly, he stops talking, turns toward her. “I haven’t spoken about them in a long time. The others, they try to but I never...I couldn’t.” Frank takes a shaky sigh and steps away, obviously uncomfortable. She doesn’t follow. There’s more enveloping silence before Frank finally whispers, “Thank you, ma’am. You...helped me remember.” 

Karen looks at him, blue eyes wide. “You’re welcome, Frank.” 

They both hear the screen door slam in the kitchen as someone walks into the house. “Hey, you guys done? I wanna get Miss Karen on a horse.” Wolf hollers from the kitchen. 

Karen must look horrified because Frank says, “You don't have to, but it'd sure be nice to have some entertainment around here.” 

“I'm not sure how entertaining it would be to watch me fall off a horse.” 

Frank laughs, ducks his head toward the ground as is his wont. Karen is beginning to understand that's one of his quirks, he doesn't want anyone to see him smile, as if actually enjoying life is a disservice to his family's memory. “Evidently, ma’am, you've never seen someone fall off a horse.” 

Apparently they've taken too long to answer because Wolf bursts into the room. “Oh good, you're alive. How’s about that horse?” 

“Uh...I'm not-” 

“Everyone will be there. You'll be perfectly safe.” Frank interjects, his oddly soft voice combined with those obsidian eyes make for a reassuring picture. 

“Okay. Do I need to change?” 

“No, you're good.” Wolf says. “Come on, DJ is saddling Starla up for ya.” Without another word, the boy is out the door again, gone as fast as he appeared. 

“Well,” Frank says as he puts his hat back on. “After you, ma’am.” 

~

Karen is fully aware that she's been standing beside Starla for a good five minutes, making no move to get on. It's starting to be embarrassing. Or rather, it's getting to the point where no one can politely pretend that it _isn't_ embarrassing. 

“You gonna get on the damn horse or what?” Frank asks from his perch on the railing. 

“Shut up, I'm preparing myself.” She shoots an apologetic glance at Wolf, who's been holding Starla steady for her. 

“For what? A trip to fuckin’ Tibet?” When Karen doesn't answer Frank heaves himself of the fence with a long suffering sigh. “Go sit, Wolf, I got her.” 

“Uh, Boss-” 

“Did I ask you, man?” Wolf looks uneasy, but tries to hide it as he sends Karen a wink before going to sit with Sadie and DJ. 

“You don't have to help, you know. I'm fine.” She says harshly. Her assertion is rendered useless when Starla jerks her head, causing Karen to jump at the sudden movement. 

“Oh really? Which leg do you put in the stirrup to mount?” Frank asks with an annoying smirk on his face. 

“...This one?” She asks, tapping her left leg. 

“Sure. If you wanna get on backwards.” He steps closer to her and knocks his work boot against her sneaker. “Right leg. You put your left hand on the back of the saddle and your right hand on the pummel, then hoist yourself up.” He nods as she follows his instructions. “Good. Now mount up.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Come on, Miss New York, you're not scared of a horse are ya?” Oh, how Karen wants to punch that annoyingly condescending smirk off his face. She knows what he's doing, goading her into getting on Starla, as if she wouldn't know. 

“I know what you're doing.” She mutters, hoisting herself onto the black horse. It's disorienting to be in such a precarious position. _There’s absolutely nothing stopping this giant animal from bucking me off._

“And yet, there you are.” Despite his tone, he waits another minute for her to get comfortable on the horse before handing her the reins and stepping back by Starla’s head. “Okay, you're gonna walk around with her. You've got the reins but I'm right here, alright?” Karen nods, gripping the reins tightly. “Ease up. Starla’s an easy going lady, but she’ll feel your tension through the lead.” 

“I'm nervous.” She says, shooting her head to look at the three people sitting on the fence. They're politely talking amongst themselves, making sure not to stare. 

“No shit.” Frank laughs, stopping short at the look on her face. “Look, ma’am, you are completely safe, ya hear me? You're fenced in, Starla is the most laid back horse I've ever met, and I'm gonna be standin’ right next to ya. Nothin’s gonna happen.” 

Karen breathes in deep, deciding to trust him. She doesn't think he would lie to her. “Okay. I'm ready.” 

He doesn't smile at her, exactly, but the tension around his eyes disappears for a moment, creating pretty much the same effect. “Let's take a walk then.” 

The first couple circuits are stressful. Karen doesn't know how to steer a living, breathing animal that could crush her without a moment’s hesitation. She's constantly spooked whenever Starla twitches her ears or shakes her head to rid herself of flies. Frank’s right there with her, though, speaking softly to both her and the horse, calming her down. Eventually, she begins to understand why people enjoy this. The loping gait of Starla’s walk is calming, the sound of her hooves digging into the earth hypnotic in its simplicity, so much so that it begins to drown out Frank’s voice until his words are merely static in the background. She is completely focused on the feel of Starla between her thighs, of the massive amount of power and trust that this animal possesses. It's intoxicating. 

“Hey, Karen! Dinner!” Sadie’s voice breaks through her reverie. 

“Wait, what?” Karen looks up to see the sun much lower in the sky than before. Everyone except Frank has moved from the fence. “How...what the hell?” 

“Never seen someone so engrossed in ridin’ around in a circle.” He says, walking up to her and looping his hand around Starla’s bridle. “You like it?” 

“Loved it.” Karen gushes before she begins to search the ground. “...How do I get off?”

“How'd you get on?” 

Karen takes the hint and takes her left foot out of the stirrup, swinging her leg over the saddle before sliding off. Her legs feel weak and her butt hurts from being in the saddle so long. “That was amazing.” 

“Yeah?” Frank opens the gate to the paddock and leads Starla towards the barn. Karen follows. “Next time, I'll show you how to put the tack on her so you can do it yourself.” 

“Okay...Look, Frank,” She touches his arm to stop him. His fingers twitch but he doesn't pull away. “Thank you. For making me try.” 

The dark haired man shrugs, unable to meet her eyes. “You'd have done it eventually. I just made sure none of us died of old age before ya did.” 

Karen smiles, moves her hand from his arm despite the way his overwhelming warmth only makes her want to step closer. “Still, thank you. Really.” 

“I should, uh, take this shit off her and put her with the others.” Frank finally says, clearly uncomfortable with her gratitude. “I'll see ya inside.” 

“Okay, see you.” She changes direction to walk towards the dorm, all the while thinking about the newfound freedom of riding a horse and the contradictory nature of Frank Castle’s eyes. 

As she makes her way inside, skin already warming from both the heat of the house and the bustle of three voices excitedly talking over each other, Karen takes a moment to thank whoever, or whatever, led her to this place, this refuge from the outside world and its cruelty. 

There is something so special here and with every passing moment she is more determined to save it. DJ, Sadie, and Wolf deserve it. _Frank_ deserves it. For all his gruffness and standoffish nature, his actions today have shown her that he’s a good man. Good men don't deserve to have their homes taken away. Karen can help, she can make Shining Star Ranch into a refuge for them all. She feels it in her bones. 

“Hope you don't mind frozen pizza, Page.” DJ says through the piece he's devouring. “Wolf is a lazy ass cook.” 

“Hey, man, I don't see you complaining.” Wolf exclaims as he kicks DJ’s feet off the coffee table so he can get by. “Help yourself, Karen, everything's on the counter.” 

She walks into the kitchen to see Sadie standing by the microwave. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” The other woman nods in greeting. “There's more leftovers from last night if you want. I can't stand that processed shit.” 

Karen shakes her head, putting two pieces on one of the paper plates Wolf left out. “Honestly, pizza sounds amazing right now.” 

“You did good on Starla today.” Sadie says as she pours soy sauce onto her chicken and rice. “You know, once you got on.” 

“Frank’s a good teacher, I guess.” Karen shrugs, taking a bite out of the pizza. 

Sadie rolls her eyes and laughs. “Frank wouldn’t have been able to do shit if you hadn't gotten on. Yeah, he egged you on but facing your fears like that? That was all you.” 

Karen can feel her cheeks reddening at Sadie’s praise. “I've never done anything that nerve wracking before.” She confesses. Sadie quickly swallows a bite and laughs out loud. “What?” 

“I know you've been here for literally a day but from my experiences with you, all you do is nerve wracking shit. You left New York for reasons unknown, travelled halfway across the country and took a job you don't fully understand how to do. Does none of that count as nerve wracking?” 

Karen goes to argue but stop short, considering Sadie’s words. “When I...when I was living in New York, I worked at this law firm, we could hardly keep the lights on. But we were taking on these pro bono cases left and right, fighting against the injustices of the world. It was me and my two friends against everyone else. But one day I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Stuff happened, and I had to leave. I _couldn't_ stay there.” She looks directly into Sadie’s eyes, blue locking with brown, and says, “Everything I've done that you think is so extraordinary and amazing, I've done because I didn't have any choice. So, riding Starla, even if that's not the craziest thing I've done in the last three months, it's the first time I've _chosen_ to try something new rather than it being forced upon me.” 

Sadie is silent for a moment, staring off into the distance with a pained expression on her face. “What did Wolf tell you about me?” She finally asks. “Because I know that boy said something.” 

Karen’s eyebrows pull together with confusion. “He just said that you went to college.” 

The dark-skinned woman laughed bitterly. “Yeah, I went to the University of Montana, in Missoula.” 

“The school that Jon Krakauer wrote about?” Karen asks urgently, eyes wide. “Were you...”

“No! No, not me. My best friend.” She explains. “Unfortunately, Quinn wasn't one of the lucky girls to get interviewed. She killed herself once she realized the police wouldn't do anything.” 

“I'm so sorry.” 

“Yeah, me too...I couldn't stay there anymore. I couldn't be in a place like that. I don't have any family, I didn't have anywhere to call home. Quinn was the closest thing I had to family, we were in the same foster house together. After she died, I just felt like I was drifting. So I dropped out and I started driving. Ended up here. Frank’s wife, Maria, went to visit Trish one day, pregnant as hell with Frank Jr, and she ended up taking me home with her. This has been my home ever since.” Sadie takes in a shuddering breath before continuing, brown eyes locked on Karen. “The point is, I know a bit about what you went searching for, I understand that. But I just want you to know that even if you felt like you didn't have a choice, you're still brave. You've still done something extraordinary. And that peace you're looking for? It can't come from a place or from people but from within. This ranch is as good a place to find yourself as any, but it isn’t the ranch that’s gonna calm that storm in your heart. It’s gotta be you. Just keep that in mind.” 

Karen nods and looks down at her pizza, all appetite gone as thoughts swarm in the forefront of her mind. “I will.” She says. “I think I'm gonna turn in for the night. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?” 

Sadie smiles brightly even as her eyes shine with unshed tears. “Definitely. Have to get you outside the paddock tomorrow. See how well you do walking in a straight line.” 

Karen huffs out something that sounds like a laugh, suddenly exhausted despite the fact that twenty minutes ago she was walking on air. “Good night, Sadie.”

“G’night, Karen.” 

She walks out of the kitchen to see DJ and Wolf bickering over the remote. “I refuse to watch another shitty Netflix show, DJ! Why can't we just watch Seinfeld?” 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, I will end your life if you make me watch that shit again. We flipped for it, the TV is mine, so sit down and shut up.” DJ growls, shaking Wolf’s hand off the remote. The long-haired boy goes back to his seat, grumbling the entire time. 

Karen slips out unnoticed. 

She walks across the yard, deep in thought, barely noticing the fact that the truck is gone and Frank is nowhere in sight. Karen walks up the stairs of the porch, through the kitchen, past the dining room and the old leather couch, and trudges up to her room. 

She's floored by what Sadie told her, even more flabbergasted by _why_. She told Karen those things because Sadie recognized how little Karen thought of herself. She took one look at her and knew how unsure Karen was about every decision she made, how much she second guessed herself. Sadie had not only recognized these things, but also empathized with her, because she'd gone through the same thing. 

People have always taken one look at Karen and assumed that she's as self-assured as she presents herself. The thing is, Karen knows she can take care of herself, knows that she's strong and smart and capable. But even knowing all these things about herself hasn’t stopped the part of her that whispers insidious lies in the back of her mind. 

_No one takes you seriously, Karen._

_They’re just humoring you, Karen._

_Did you really think you were good enough, Karen?_

The bombardment was never ending. No matter how much Karen told herself that she was good enough, no matter how much she knew that she was appreciated, she still went to bed every night feeling like a failure. Karen had tried to quiet the voice by being what people told her she should be. Working at Nelson & Murdock, even dating Matt had been a part of that search for acceptance. Nothing had helped, nothing had given her the peace she was looking for. 

It dawns on her that she’s spent so long running from this thing inside of her that she doesn’t know how to stop. She doesn’t know how to settle down in one place and begin working on herself. It’s easier not to. It’s easier to blame the place for her restless spirit. It’s easier to blame her inability to keep in touch with people on constantly moving rather than admit that she moves around because she can’t stand to let anyone in. 

Karen looks out her window and sees a beautiful night sky. Suddenly, she can’t stay in this house any longer. She cannot spend one more minute in that perfectly preserved model of how a happy family used to live, not in the state she’s in. So she grabs a blanket and a pillow off the bed and goes outside to see the stars. 

It may be the wool that’s been pulled away from her eyes, but she swears that they’ve never shone so bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that it was a sadness sandwich with only a little fluff in the middle but I just...I couldn't stop. I'm sorry. Next chapter has Claire Temple in it bitches!!!!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shakes his head, dark eyes full of incomprehensible pain. “You don’t understand.” He mutters. “That night? The night I lost them? I was the one driving, I should’ve been payin’ attention. But I didn’t and now I gotta live with that, anyway I know how. I should’ve protected them, that was my job, and I failed. This is what I’ve gotta do to make up for it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, loves, back again! This chapter has important plot things so watch out. And Claire Temple makes an appearance plus a surprise guest. 
> 
> A million thanks to silbecoo without whom my story would be one thousand times worse. 
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter, I think it turned out pretty well! 
> 
> Oh! And I've got a favor to ask: I'm making a playlist for Renascent and I was wondering if any of you guys know some good country songs that fit this story? If you do, you can message me on tumblr (kamlo-ren) or comment suggestions! 
> 
> Okay...I'll let you read now.

_I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being. -Unknown_

The sun rises and sets, and before Karen knows it she's been living at Shining Star Ranch for two weeks. Each day has been much the same; paying bills, calling restaurants, googling when fairs are occurring close by. There's one in late June that seems promising. Once that becomes too exhausting, Karen ventures outside. She's taken to going on long walks with Gigi, simply exploring the property. 

About three days after her first riding lesson she found the most beautiful creek. It was just a gently babbling brook, but Karen could swear that the air was somehow sweeter, the world somehow calmer, whenever she sat on the rocks there. The creek had been her benchmark for her walks, she'd stop there for a while then head back once Gigi got to restless. 

In the later hours of the day, before the sun set, Frank taught her how to ride a horse. She was getting pretty good, in her opinion. Frank had taken to riding with her on his grey gelding, Magic, grumbling at her under his breath rather than giving her actual instruction. Karen assumed that meant she was progressing well. Just the other day, he’d urged her to gallop Starla for the first time, and it was the most exhilarating thing she’d ever experienced. 

“There’s no way I’m making this thing go faster than a brisk trot, Frank, no way in hell.” She had said firmly as Starla continued down the trail. 

“Ya hear that, Starla?” The dark haired man had said. “You’re a _thing_ now. I say you buck this cityslicker off, show her what’s what.” Starla had responded by tossing her head in apparent agreement. 

“Don’t listen to him, girl, that’s not what I meant.” She’d soothed as she rubbed the black horse’s silken neck. “You’re an asshole.” Karen had shot at Frank a moment later. His face had born the same bruises, black eye, yellowing cheekbone, as they had the second day she’d lived at Shining Star. It was like Frank was on a schedule, every time his face looked almost healed he went out and got a new shiner. Karen had stopped trying to ask him where they came from. 

He’d shrugged as his eyes surveyed the land. “Got that right. Don’t mean you shouldn’t run the horse.” 

“If I get hurt, it’s your fault.” 

Until that moment, Karen was sure she’d never been subject to the full weight of Frank’s gaze. She’d never felt the strength of that dark gaze on her as completely as in the breath between her jab and his low response. “You ain’t gonna get hurt.” 

So she’d nodded, believing him completely, and nudged Starla into a gallop. 

It was extraordinary. 

There’s nothing like being on top of a massive animal, moving in tandem as the wind whips your hair back. The complete trust that horse has in you and that you have in that horse while you both hurtle towards an unknown finish line is the greatest high there is. Karen had laughed out loud, joyous, only to have the wind snatch it before she could make a sound. She continued racing across the field as Frank and Magic ran alongside them, completely free. She’d had a dopey grin on her face the rest of the day. 

She hasn’t been riding with Frank in a couple days, Karen realizes as she sits on the porch, waiting for DJ to go with her to the General Store to pick up the ranch’s biweekly order. “Ready to go?” She calls when she sees the tall, shaggy haired man walk out of the dorm. 

“Yeah. Mind if we take Maggie? Claire’s dog Sage is her mom.” 

Karen smiles as the little dog yips, obviously at the prospect of taking a car ride. “Of course.” 

“Then let's get on the road.” DJ opens the heavy door of the truck for Maggie. “Up, Mags, good girl.” He says as he climbs in himself. 

The moment Karen sits down on the other side of Maggie, the little dog is all over her, scrambling over her lap, licking her face, pushing her head under her hand in a demand to be petted, it's adorable. Gigi may be Karen’s constant companion but there was something undeniably cute about the Australian shepherd. 

“Hey, Maggie. Hey, sweet girl.” She coos. “You excited to see your mama?” 

“Poor thing’s probably just excited to get some attention for once.” DJ remarks as they turn onto the main road. He moves a hand from the steering wheel to run his hand through the dog’s shaggy coat. “Ain't that right?” Maggie yips in agreement, tail wagging rapidly. “She's been sore for attention ever since Lisa and lil’ Frankie...” The man trails off in that same heartbreaking way that they all do, as if even speaking about the people they lost is too painful.

“None of you speak about them much.” She finally says.

Ever since that day in the office, Karen has tried to get Frank to open up about his family again, but her efforts have been in vain. He won't talk about it. The man has flat out walked away from her just to get out of having the conversation. It's the most frustrating thing about him, she decides. _It isn't productive to just bottle up all those emotions. Eventually, something inside of you snaps._

“It's hard, losing that much of your family.” DJ says. “Frank doesn't like to talk about it, and I respect that.” 

“Ah, that manly urge to bottle one’s emotions.” She mutters, half joking. “So healthy.” 

“It ain't about what's healthy, Page. It's about what keeps him sane.” 

The rest of the drive is spent in silence. 

~

Karen honestly isn’t sure what she was expecting out of the General Store; atmospheric lighting, maybe, or a crowded floor of antiques, perhaps. Instead, she walks in to see that it’s basically a miniature grocery store. It has the same ghastly overhead lighting, the same aisles only the locals know how to navigate, the only difference is it is apparently run by one woman, Claire Temple. 

It takes approximately one minute for Karen to realize that Claire is a badass. The dark-haired woman walks out of the back room, on the phone, completely irate. “ _No_ , I need that specialized feed on Friday, Patrick. Monday doesn’t work.” She pauses a second, and whatever Patrick says makes her eyebrows raise towards her hairline. “Well, probably because they’re going to run out on Friday. The horse is really old and can only digest that specific type of feed. They can’t just _not_ feed it over the weekend, man, Jesus Christ.” Claire notices Karen and pulls her phone away from her. “You the new girl?” 

“Yes.” 

Claire nods and goes back to her phone. “This’ll only take one second. Patrick? Yeah, you’re gonna deliver that feed personally, since you’re so goddamned incompetent you couldn’t put it on the truck. Got it? And give the Welches a discount.” With that, she hangs up and leans against the wall. For a second, Karen can see how exhausted the woman is and she wonders exactly how many directions Claire Temple is pulled in on any given day. However, the weakness only lasts for a moment. Before Karen can blink or offer sympathy, Claire is off the wall and walking towards her with a pleasant smile on her face. “Hi, sorry, you would not believe how many times I have to deal with that jackass. Totally incompetent.” 

Karen smiles back, laughs. “You look like you’ve got it down to an art.” She compliments. 

“Ha. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.” Claire says. “You’re workin’ down at the Castle place.” It isn’t a question. 

“Yes.” 

“I’ve got the order right in the back. I’m sure DJ’s already pulled up the truck.” She says, walking back the way she came. Karen follows. “It’s basically feed, groceries, whatever other shit they need. Pretty simple.” 

“Yeah, Sadie told me how it works.” They walk back into a storeroom where a dog that looks a lot like Maggie lays chewing on a bone. The dog’s head pops up when Claire walks in. 

“That’s Sage.” Claire says with a smile. “My pride and joy.” She goes to the far end of the storeroom and opens a hatch. DJ and Maggie are waiting on the other side. 

“Hey, Claire.” DJ greets the woman as Maggie scampers over to her mom. “Don’t gotta tell me, I know what I’m doin’.” 

“That’s a first.” Claire mutters. Before she can say anymore, her phone rings again. “Jesus Christ, _what_ Patrick?” 

Karen stares after her in amazement. DJ just laughs as he throws a bag of feed onto the bed of the truck. “Yeah, she’s always like that.” 

“Does she ever _sleep_?” She asks, picking up a bag of groceries to put in the back. 

“Not sure, honestly. I think she drinks more coffee than the boss.” 

Karen laughs. “I find that hard to believe. Frank would hook an IV of coffee to his arm if he could.” 

“He might as well, carries that damn thermos everywhere.” Behind them, Maggie and Sage play with the bone happily. “Hey, I’m sorry if I was rude or somethin’, on the way over, I just...I know you’ve been trying to talk to Frank about them, but we’ve just learned that it’s easier not to. He’s never gonna get over it.” 

“Obviously.” Karen huffs. “That’s not something you get over, but that doesn’t mean he, or any of you, can’t heal. You’re all my friends, and I care about you.” 

DJ nods in understanding, runs his sweaty hair away from his forehead. “‘Preciate that, Page.” 

She smiles and picks up the last bag. “Is this it?” 

“Yeah, think so. Start the truck, I’ll get Mags.” He says, throwing her the keys. 

Karen puts up the tailgate, makes sure it’s secure, before hopping into the truck. She turns it on and moves over to the passenger side. From her view in the side mirror, she can see DJ call Maggie and make his way over only to be stopped by a large black man. DJ’s face goes from openly friendly to deeply troubled. 

She tells herself that it isn’t any of her business, keeps telling herself that even as she rolls down the window as discreetly as possible to eavesdrop. 

“He can’t keep starting fights in my bar, Wilson, I mean it. I don’t care what he’s goin’ through, the man is unhinged and I’m done. Tell Castle, next time he shows up I’m calling the Sheriff.” 

“Sure thing, Cage.” DJ says stiffly, stepping around the other man. 

“I’m bein’ serious, Wilson.” Cage says, crossing his arms. “He can’t keep showin’ up like that. Put a leash on him if you have to.” 

DJ just nods, opens up the door. Maggie jumps in, completely oblivious to what’s going on around her. “I get it, man. Have a nice day.” As he gets in he turns to Karen, only to notice her window open. “Well...shit.” 

“Bar fights?” She asks, eyes straight ahead. “What is he thinking?” 

“Don’t know. Never asked.” 

Karen looks at DJ, incredulous. The man just starts the truck and pulls away. “You mean to tell me you knew?” 

“Of course I knew, Page, we all did. I just wasn’t about to try to be his therapist.” He looks at her for a second before going back to the road. “And you shouldn’t either, leave it be.” 

“No! Someone needs to say something, this is obviously a cry for a help-” 

“Look, I know you mean well but this is how he copes. You just have to accept that. If you can’t, then you can’t stay here.” 

“That’s ridiculous. Doesn’t it bother you that he disappears every night? That he gets a new bruise on his face every couple days? God, do you even-” 

“What kind of question is that? That man is my family, you understand? He has been watchin’ over me since I was 16 years old. I owe him everything. Trust me, I’m bothered. But I also know him well enough to know that Frank ain’t stoppin’ until he get whatever it is he’s lookin’ for.” Karen watches as his grip tightens on the steering wheel until his knuckles are white. “It’s useless tryin’ to stop him.” 

“Well, I’m having a conversation with him since you won’t.” She says, looking resolutely out the window. 

DJ breathes out a laugh and shakes his head. “Course you are, Page.” 

~

When they get back to the ranch, Karen’s had enough time to calm down. She’s thinking rationally about how to approach the situation. She knows how to deal with obstinate males, she basically made a living of it for a year and a half. 

All of that goes out the window the moment she sees him. It’s been a couple days, Frank has been making himself scarce around the ranch, going to the outskirts of the property doing odd jobs. The reason why is clear on his broken face. It’s the worst she’s ever seen him- swollen eye, butterfly bandage over his eyebrow, discoloration on his jaw. He’s favoring his left side. He looks like complete shit. It makes her furious. “I need to talk to you.” She says, brushing past him, making sure to shoulder him in his bad side. He doesn’t voice any displeasure, but Karen is sure she sees his jaw clench. “Now.” 

Frank doesn’t say anything, just follows her into the house. She stops just outside the office, where the most pictures are. She briefly congratulates herself on maintaining her strategic prowess even when this angry. Frank doesn’t make any indication that he’s noticed something is wrong, he just waits for her to speak. 

Karen won’t. She refuses. Matt told her once that talking first is a sign of weakness and, just this once, Karen is willing to take his advice. Consequently, awkward silence stretches between them for a good two minutes before Frank caves. “Fuckin’ hell, if you’re not gonna actually say anything, I’ve got shit to do.” 

He turns to leave but she stops him with two quiet words. “I know.” 

Frank’s entire body stops, as if frozen in time. His broad shoulders tense and his breathing slows. Karen sees his pointer finger begin to twitch slightly. “About what?” He finally asks. 

“The bar fights.” She bites out, stepping around to meet his eyes. “That’s where all those bruises come from right? That’s why your knuckles are always scraped.” Frank looks at her, ready to retort but she cuts him off. “No. Don’t answer. How could you do this? I know that your family is gone, I know that’s horrific and awful but that doesn’t-” 

“You don’t know shit about my family, ma’am.” Frank says lowly, head turned toward the ground. 

“You’re not the only person who’s ever lost someone, Frank, jesus.” Karen hisses. “You can’t just go on a bender, beating the shit out of people, when it gets too hard. You still have a family, you still have people that are counting on you.” 

He shakes his head, dark eyes full of incomprehensible pain. “You don’t understand.” He mutters. “That night? The night I lost them? I was the one driving, I should’ve been payin’ attention. But I didn’t and now I gotta live with that, anyway I know how. I should’ve protected them, that was my job, and I failed. This is what I’ve gotta do to make up for it.” 

“How the hell does getting into bar fights make up for it?” She demands. “Is it some kind of penance? Well?” 

“Something like that.” 

Karen studies the broken man before her and feels like she’s seeing him for the first time. Frank Castle is a jumbled mess of parts that keep going because they’re too stubborn to die. He is a caricature of the man he used to be, a poor adaptation of the happy family man from a year ago. Looking at him now, seeing the way his eyes dart around the room, how he always ends up staring at the pictures of his family, she knows. He’s always going to live with the pain and the guilt of what happened. There’s always going to be something in his eyes that are just the slightest bit broken. 

As she looks at him, Karen feels her indignant anger melt away. There’s no use. Anything she says to him, Frank has probably already told himself. She takes a deep breath, puts a hand on his arm lightly. “Look, Frank, I can only imagine how you must be feeling, the pain that you’re in. And I know you must be feeling like you don’t have anything left because their gone but Frank, you have a life _here_. It’s still here. There are still people that need you. So you can grieve, and you can hate yourself, but you have got to pull it together eventually. For them.” Karen nods toward a sweet picture of him with his family. “And for the rest of us, too.” 

“I can’t-I can’t stop. I haven’t-” He stops abruptly, looks down at the ground. “I’m not going to stop, Karen. There’s still something that needs doin’.” Frank says as he steps around her to leave. 

“What?” She calls, following him. “What do you have to do?” 

Frank stops, partially out the door, and takes a long look at her. For a moment, she thinks he’s going to answer her but he just shakes his head and walks out the door. 

~

She doesn’t go over for dinner that night. Karen sits in the living room, looking at the pictures, the captured memories, and asks herself how she can help someone who refuses to be helped. 

As Karen stares at Frank’s family, she finds herself wishing that they were alive, that he could be happy again, that Shining Star could thrive. She wishes that she could go back in time so that these people she’s come to care about would never have to know the pain of sudden loss. It isn’t fair, but then, life never was. 

Karen likes to think that there’s a reason for everything, simply because the alternative implies the kind of hopeless nothingness she’d rather avoid, but right now she doesn’t understand what could possibly be worth Frank Castle losing his family. 

“Karen?” Wolf’s voice jolts her back to herself. “Mind if I come in?” 

She nods, gives him a tired smile. “Of course, Wolf, sit down.” As he takes a seat beside her she continues. “I’m sorry I wasn’t at dinner, I just...I’m not hungry.” 

“That’s okay, it was DJ’s night anyways. He likes to think he’s this culinary master but all he really does is mix together different packets of steak marinade. Today was _Baja Citrus_ and _Brown Sugar Bourbon_.” Wolf shudders, recalling the taste. “You’re lucky you weren’t there, honestly.” 

“Sounds like it.” Karen smiles. She can feel it straining on her face, knows it looks fake, knows that Wolf notices it. She drops the act and looks back at the wall, completely giving in to her bad mood. “Did DJ tell you?” 

“About Frank’s bar brawls? Yeah, he told us while you two were _having a conversation_.” 

“And you’re not going to do anything about it? You’re just going to let him continue down this destructive road to nowhere?” 

“What do you want us to do? Lock him up and throw away the key? There’s nothing we _can_ do, Karen. If Frank wants to go get drunk and beat the shit out of people that’s what he’s gonna do.” Karen doesn’t answer. Wolf sighs. “Look, I didn’t wanna get into it. That’s not why I’m here.” 

“Then why?” 

“I just want to make sure that this isn’t going to...affect anything. About you being here.” He says quickly, looking uncomfortable. “I know that this isn’t the best situation, that you don’t approve, but we still really need you. We don’t want you to leave because of this.” 

Karen stays silent for a time. Honestly, she’d thought about it. She’d considered the logistics of packing everything up, the things she’d only just finished unpacking, and leaving in the dead of night for Trinidad. Molly and Jen would be ecstatic to see her. It would be so easy to just leave. Things were getting complicated, she was getting more attached than she thought, to Frank, to everyone, it was getting harder to remember that this was a temporary thing. 

Karen wants to leave, she wants to get away from this place and these people because the alternative is getting hurt later on but, when Wolf voices his fears, she realizes she can’t. Not yet. “Wolf, I’m not going to leave. I promise.” She says softly. “I’m just upset because Frank’s my friend and he’s doing these shitty things to himself. That doesn’t mean I’m going to steal away in the dead of night. I’ve still got a job to do, yeah?” 

Wolf smiles at her, obviously relieved. “Yeah.” Without warning, his wiry arms are around her, briefly hugging her. Karen closes her eyes at the sensation of being held, it’s been so long since someone hugged her. She almost forgot what it felt like. “Thanks, Karen.” 

“There’s no reason to thank me, Wolf.” She says as he lets her go. 

“Yes there is.” 

The boy stands up and makes to leave. Karen walks him out. At the door, he looks at her and says, “I know you think that Frank is hopeless, that he’s not going to get better but that’s not true. He’s been more alive since you’ve been around than any of us can remember. He’s doing stupid shit right now, no one can deny that, but you’re still helping him. I think he remembers who he used to be, whenever he’s around you.” Karen’s speechless, eyes wide, what does she say to that? What can she say to that? Wolf only smiles, not expecting an answer. “Just something to think about. Good night, Karen.” 

“Good night, Wolf.” 

Once Wolf’s left she goes to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. In the mellow lighting of the kitchen, the neon of the clock is even more noticeable. 

9:30

Frank should be gone by now, she thinks. Karen moves toward the window to check, even though she already knows what she’s going to see. The sight stops her short. She stares for a moment before shaking her head and heading upstairs, Wolf’s words occupying her mind even more than before. 

Frank’s truck stays in its spot all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop, first fight and Wolf saying things that make Karen have feelings. I love Wolf, honestly, he's my favorite to write. I want to give him a hug. 
> 
> I've got tentative plans for Chapter Five so I'll probably write an outline tomorrow and then write it over the weekend. IT'S GETTING EXCITING


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen laughs more fully this time, enjoying the lightness of the moment. Her eyes wander to Frank, expecting to see the familiar furrow of his brow but instead she sees something she’s never seen before. 
> 
> Frank’s laughing. His eyes are scrunched with mirth, the pain in them gone for a second, and he’s got this shit-eating grin on his face that flatters him. He’s a handsome man, Karen thinks before abruptly stopping that train of thought. She looks down at her food, hoping that no one can notice the blush she feels burning her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!! Hey, sorry loves, real life got in the way. But here's a mostly happy fifth chapter for you. Hope you guys like it! 
> 
> Once again- 100000000000000000000 thanks to silbecoo, my awesome beta, I love you, you're amazing.

_“What is it that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the print I have read in my life.” - Walt Whitman_

She locks herself in the office for three days after that. Karen doesn’t know what she’ll do if she has to socialize with Frank right now so she opts out. Nothing bad can happen if nothing happens at all. 

On the fourth day, Sadie comes storming in, all 5’1’’ of her worked into a righteous fury. Karen is genuinely frightened for a moment. “God, I have had enough of everyone on this ranch pouting!” The dark-skinned woman bursts. “You’re holed up in here, Frank looks like he’s going to tear somebody’s head off, Wolf’s moping around like he did when his goddamn cat got eaten, and DJ won’t talk to anyone.” 

“Wolf’s cat got eaten?” Karen interrupts, even though she knows that isn’t Sadie’s point. 

Sadie shakes her hand. “That’s unimportant. The point is, you’re coming to dinner tonight and we’re going to get back to normal because I refuse to deal with those melodramatic neanderthals by myself a moment longer.” The small woman takes a step towards her, Karen steps back. “Understood?” 

Some deep, long forgotten part of Karen from grade school erupts from her. “Yes, ma’am.” 

“Good.” She turns on her boot heel and walks out. “You’re making dinner.” 

Karen just nods, turns back to the paperwork on the desk. She’d had to call five different people before someone could accurately tell her how to register for the Fort Downs Fair in just over two weeks. Most of her afternoon had been spent filling it out. Because of this, Sadie’s words don’t actually filter through her brain until she’s out the door. “Wait, what? I have to cook?” Karen hollers from the office. 

A deviously peppy “Yep!” is followed by the slam of the screen door. 

~

Karen had been ridiculously panicked for five minutes about what to make before she just gave up and made what she knew- chicken pot pie. It had been her favorite dinner when she was younger, her mom made it for every birthday, every good report card, every special moment you can think of, Penelope Page made her daughter chicken pot pie to celebrate. Karen knew the recipe by heart. It was her ultimate comfort food. Whenever she was upset, if the ingredients were in her fridge, chicken pot pie was made. Perhaps it was an odd choice for a favorite food but she didn’t care, it was something special between her and her mom. 

Chicken pot pie was sacred. 

It was also easy to make. 

Thus, the dorm is soon flooded with the smells of a home-cooked meal. Karen inhales the comforting scent as she pulls the pie out of the oven. God, but she loves that smell, the aroma of the chicken and vegetables, the doughy undertone of pie crust, the basil and spices mixed in, it takes her back to simpler times. 

“Damn! What is that smell?” Wolf asks as he trots into the kitchen, Sirius on his heels. The big shepherd barks happily as the young man throws a treat in his direction. 

“Chicken pot pie.” Karen says. “Help me set the table?” 

“Karen, I will send you to the moon if you keep makin’ food that smells like that.” He says, pulling dishes from the cupboards. 

She laughs, realizing that she’s missed Wolf’s upbeat personality these last few days. “How about we start with setting the table, then we’ll see about the moon.” 

There is a minute of silence, both of them going about their business, walking around each other with little incident, before Wolf speaks again. “So, uh, how ya been? Feels like we haven’t seen you in forever.” 

“I’ve been pretty busy these past few days.” She hedges, suddenly very interested in the placement of the forks. 

“Pretty convenient time to be busy.” He mutters, surprisingly bitter. “You said you weren’t goin’ anywhere.” 

“I didn’t leave, Wolf.” Karen says as she faces him. 

“Might as well have, Miss Karen.” Karen takes a long look at Wolf, this kid who’s story she doesn’t know, and she wonders why he’s here instead of with his family. When Wolf looks at her with big, sad brown eyes Karen recognizes the same painful fear of being left alone that she thought she saw in Matt once. 

She pulls him into a hug and huffs out a choked up laugh when Wolf immediately clutches her. She strokes his long hair soothingly, makes shushing sounds when she hears him take in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I do that when I’m upset, I isolate myself. I’ve been doing it for so long, I forgot that it hurts the people around me too.” 

“We care about you, you know. You don’t have to be alone anymore.” He says quietly, face still tucked into her shoulder. 

Her arms tighten around Wolf involuntarily before she finally lets him go. “I know.” 

Wolf smiles at her, eyes bright again. “I’m gonna go get washed up before dinner.” 

“Can you tell everyone else that dinner’s ready?” She asks as he walks towards the bathroom. 

“Sure, Karen.” Wolf says before popping his head out the front door and hollering, “Dinner is ready, you animals!” 

The noise jolts Sirius from the bone he found in the corner and prompts a laugh from Karen. “Thanks, Wolf, I never thought of that.” 

“Hey, I aim to please.” 

Frank is the first to make his way into the house. He goes straight to the kitchen with Max and Maggie following, gets them some water before turning towards Karen. He just stands there, watching her put the pot pie on the table. For the most part, she ignores him. Her eyes must still bear some signs of her tearful moment with Wolf because Frank coughs and asks “You good?” in that gruffly concerned voice of his. 

Karen stops in her tracks, makes sure to meet his eyes before saying “I’m good.” with as much feeling as she can so he knows what she actually means. They’re good. She may not approve of what he’s doing but she understands the crippling pain he must feel every morning he wakes up and his family is still gone. She runs, Frank fights. That’s apparently how they cope. Avoiding him won’t change that. 

Frank ducks his head, scratches Maggie’s ears, and gives her a lopsided smile from beneath his hat. “Good.” 

DJ and Sadie burst into the house, in the throes of yet another argument. “You are so wrong, Wilson, I swear to Christ. Arc Reactor is a much better band than Walk It Off, how is that even a question?” 

“Are you on crack?” DJ exclaims. “Bucky Barnes is the best guitarist in the world!” 

“Yeah sure, if you forget the fact that the Vision is alive.” Sadie scoffs.

“He calls himself the Vision, I refuse to acknowledge any talent that man has.” 

Sadie shrugs as she toes off her boots and heads into the kitchen. “Natasha Romanoff is a better drummer than Clint Barton.” 

“You take that back!” DJ yelps as he follows her. 

“No. Romanoff is better.” 

“She’s _equal_. I wouldn’t say she’s better.” The tall man looks at Frank wildly. “Come on, boss, back me up.” 

Frank just shakes his head. “Don’t know what to tell ya, brother. I liked them better when they were just The Avengers.” 

“Well duh, but Rogers and Stark had this huge fight after they released their last album and now everyone’s picking sides.” Sadie explains. “They’re both performing at this music festival in August. People are calling it Civil War.” 

“Team Arc Reactor!” Wolf says as he bounds back into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table with everyone else. “ _We Make Our Own Demons_ is one of the best albums ever.” 

“Amen.” Sadie exclaims as she and Wolf highfive.

DJ scoffs. “Whatever. I bet Karen’s a W.I.O. fan, aren’t you?” 

“Sorry, DJ, I gotta go with Frank on this one. ‘We Won’ is my favorite song.” 

“You are all evil.” He grumbles, shoveling food into his mouth. “Steve Rogers wrote that song, by the way.” 

“Yeah, with Thor Odinson and Bruce Banner.” Frank interjects. 

“What the hell happened to those two?” Wolf asks. “It’s like they just disappeared.” 

“Hell if I know.” DJ says. “Doesn’t make any sense.” 

“You know what was a really good album?” Frank says with a smirk. “Banner’s _Smash_.” 

Everyone collectively groans. 

“Boss, I mean this with all the love in the world, but you have the worst music taste in the world. Ever.” Wolf shakes his head. “Fuckin’ _Smash_ , what the hell?” 

“What do you expect from the man who named his ranch after an Earth, Wind, & Fire song?” Sadie laughs. 

Karen sputters on her drink. “Wait, what?” 

Frank just shrugs. “I like the song.” 

“Yeah, well, I like ‘Wildest Dreams’, don’t mean I’m naming a ranch after it.” DJ grumbles. 

“That may be because you don’t own a ranch.” 

“Fuck you, old man.” 

Sadie leans over towards Karen and whispers, “I guess DJ doesn’t remember what happened the last time he mentioned Frank’s...advanced age.” 

Karen tries her hardest to stifle her giggle but the laughter bursts from her throat despite her best efforts. Frank turns toward her at the sound. “Somethin’ funny?” 

“I just never would have thought that your age was a sore subject for you.” She says with a bemused smile lighting up her face. 

“It isn't.” He grumbles, just as the others start clamoring over each other to prove him wrong. 

“Do you remember that time Sadie said she saw grey in your beard?” Wolf bursts, shoulders heaving with laughter. 

“You haven’t grown it out since!” Sadie sputters as she hurriedly puts her glass of water down. 

“Or when you hurt your back throwing hay bales all day and refused to go to the chiropractor.” DJ says with a wide grin. Karen laughs more fully this time, enjoying the lightness of the moment. Her eyes wander to Frank, expecting to see the familiar furrow of his brow but instead she sees something she’s never seen before. 

Frank’s laughing. His eyes are scrunched with mirth, the pain in them gone for a second, and he’s got this shit-eating grin on his face that flatters him. He’s a handsome man, Karen thinks before abruptly stopping that train of thought. She looks down at her food, hoping that no one can notice the blush she feels burning her cheeks. 

“Boss, you were messed up for a week.” Wolf chuckles, shaking his head. 

“All because Wolf bet you you couldn’t do it.” 

“Holy shit, how ‘bout when Franky-” DJ stops short. Where his face was filled with glee at ribbing his friend, he’s gone ashen, realizing the landmine he’s stepped on. Frank is frozen himself, caught between laughter and shutting down. “Frank, uh, brother, I-” 

“You mean when Franky asked you to give him a piggy back ride because Daddy was getting too old?” The man finishes with a small huff of laughter. “Damn kid was always a little punk.” Gone is the carefree joy of being with friends, in place a bittersweet nostalgia for his son. The humor in Frank’s dark eyes is joined by the kind of loss Karen can only imagine but at least he hasn’t lost himself to his grief. She takes it as a good sign. 

“I’m pretty sure he just did that because you wouldn’t carry him around the fair all day.” DJ says, a fond smile on his face. “Master manipulator, that boy.”  
“Worked too.” Frank whispers, lowering his head, the pain finally catching up with him. 

Everyone is silent, unsure of what to say, lost in their own grief. Karen looks at them all and wants nothing more than to take that pain away, Frank’s most of all. She can’t, not really, she knows that, but that doesn’t mean she can’t take their minds off of it. “So, I’ve got good news.” 

Frank looks up at her. “Yeah? Get something done while you were holed up in that house?” 

Karen narrows her eyes at him, her anger from the previous day returning incrementally. “Matter of fact, I did. I got us a showcase at the Fort Downs Fair on the twentieth.” 

“No shit?” Wolf asks. 

“Karen, that’s amazing!” Sadie gushes, putting her hand over Karen’s and giving it a squeeze. “That’ll be wonderful exposure, seriously.” 

DJ gives her a grateful smile, “Well, look who’s turnin’ out to be one helluva manager. Ain’t that right, Frank?” 

Frank doesn’t respond to him, just looks deep into Karen’s eyes. She’s transfixed, captivated, by the depth of emotion in them, the way the light dances in the dark reflections of his irises. “Thank you, ma’am. I really appreciate it.” He says softly. 

“It was nothing.” She responds, her voice pitched to match his. Their eyes remain locked for an indeterminate amount of time, and Karen gets the odd sense that her announcement means more than she thought it would. Or maybe she’s just getting too lost in Frank Castle’s handsome eyes. _Get a hold of yourself, jesus._ She pushes her hair out of her face, goes back to her food. “Besides, it’s what you hired me for, right?” 

“Right.” He says with a small smile. 

~

The next morning, Karen takes a walk to reward herself for all the work she’s done the past couple days. As she steps onto the porch, taking in the fresh air, she takes a moment to acknowledge how much she missed these walks with Gigi. There is something so peaceful about being immersed in nature, just listening to the birds chirping, memorizing the way the forest moves so as to become a part of it. In the woods, Karen finds true solace. She can forget all the stress of her life, pretend like every problem is on a far off planet, in some alternate dimension that she doesn’t have to worry about. All Karen has to focus on is the sound of the dirt under her feet and the dog panting by her side. “Gigi!” She calls. The black dog perks up from her spot in the yard and trots over to her. “Let’s go for a walk, sweet girl.” Gigi barks her approval and sets off for their usual trail. 

“Hey, stay close!” Frank hollers from the barn. “DJ saw coyote tracks a couple days ago. A pack's out there.” 

Karen nods in acknowledgement. “Will do.” 

She walks into the trees without any hesitation, Gigi beside her. 

It’s a peaceful walk, same as all the others. Karen finds her mind wandering as she strolls along, the trees becoming blurs of green and brown, Gigi’s breathing a hypnotic lullaby. She thinks about Foggy for the first time in weeks, hopes he’s doing well. He might not understand what she’s doing with her life, but he’s still one of the sweetest people Karen’s ever known. She doubts she’ll ever not worry about him. Just as Foggy will never stop worrying about her. 

The difference between them, Karen thinks, is that she would be a much more understanding friend if she were in Foggy’s situation. 

_Would you, though?_

“He must be so scared for me.” Karen whispers, feeling more apologetic about leaving than she ever has. Still, she isn’t apologetic enough to regret anything. “But it isn’t like I left without good reason!” She continues. “He _knows_ what happened, he knows that I couldn’t just stay there, not after that.” She looks down at Gigi, as if expecting the dog to answer. “And yet, once Foggy got over it, suddenly Karen’s ‘soul-searching’ trip becomes ‘unhealthy’ and ‘not safe’. It’s perfectly fine for me to be hurt until Foggy Nelson gets tired of it.” 

Gigi barks and trots ahead. She stops at one particular spot farther up the trail and puts her head down, sniffing the ground. Karen catches up to her and walks by, slapping her thigh to call the dog back. “That’s not fair, I guess.” She continues. “But that’s how I feel about the situation. I feel like he’s not taking me seriously, although, when did he ever?” Karen mutters. She continues walking for a little while longer, lost in thought, until she notices that Gigi isn’t with her. Karen stops and turns around. “Gigi? Here, girl!” 

The dog is still at the same spot, not sniffing the ground anymore, but looking into the trees. She turns her head this way and that before her ears perk up and she lets out a loud bark. With that, the dog runs off the trail. “Hey!” Karen calls. “Come back!” 

Karen follows Gigi into the trees, always staying steps behind. Gigi stops every once in awhile to sniff the ground, long enough for Karen to catch up, before running off again. By the time Gigi finally stops, Karen’s exhausting, panting for breath. “What the hell, girl?” She huffs, hands on her knees. When she looks up, Karen has no idea why Gigi brought them here. It’s just an ordinary clearing, there’s nothing special here, nothing worth making Karen chase a dog running like a bat out of hell. 

Then she sees the horse. 

It’s a beautiful animal, with a coat the color of sand and mane black as night. As she walks closer, Karen finds that she can count his ribs and the knots on his spine. “You poor thing.” She whispers, putting up a hand to touch him. Where the horse was previously prone, stock still on his feet, he comes to life, pulling his head back and goes to run. 

He doesn’t get very far before he falls to the ground. 

That’s when Karen notices the deep gashes on his hind quarters, sees the blood dripping from the wounds. How the horse is standing, she’ll never know. Sheer force of will, she supposes. “I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise.” Karen says calmly, coming around to face him head on like Frank taught her. 

_Always look a horse dead in the eye when you walk up to them, let them know you’re comin’ and they won’t run away._

Karen tentatively puts out her hand again, palm up. She sits a few steps in front of the wounded animal and waits for him to let her come closer. “You’re alright, we’re gonna get you help. Okay? But I gotta get you back home first.” She explains, hand out the entire time. The horse looks at her with fear in his eyes, obviously distrustful of humans. Karen just keeps talking to him. Eventually, he calms enough for her to rest her hand on his nose. “Good boy. See? We can be friends.” 

She slides closer to the horse and puts her other hand on his neck, stroking the softness there. “You’re gonna be okay.” She says again. “Let’s get you up.” 

It takes a couple minutes for the horse to get his legs under him but once he is, Karen starts a slow pace back the way they came, with Gigi leading them back to the trail. It’s slow going, for the most part, the horse can’t walk very fast with the wound on his hump and Karen suspects the obvious malnourishment isn’t doing him any favors. She just keeps her hand on his neck, tangled in his mane to lead him where she wants him to go. Luckily, once they get on the trail it’s not a long walk to get back to the ranch. “We’re almost there, boy, you can rest soon.” 

Gigi goes running off once the barn is in sight, barking and making a racket so people notice her. Frank is the first to see her, and Karen can already tell he’s irate by the way he’s walking. “Karen, where the hell were you? I told you to stay close! Why do you-” He stops short, finally acknowledges the horse limping beside her. “Why do you have a horse?” 

“Found him.” She says succinctly. “Call a vet, he’s hurt.” 

Frank’s eyes go soft as he takes in the horse’s condition and he nods, pulling out his phone. “Yeah, I’ll call Doc Williams. Let’s get him inside the barn before he keels over.” 

Karen just nods, her eyes filling with tears she refuses to let fall. Once they get him into the nearest stall, the horse drops to his knees, exhausted. Karen feels like she could lay down with him. Instead, she stands by the door and listens while Frank calls the vet, explaining the situation. “Yeah, Doc, I’ve got a horse that needs lookin’ at. Got caught by a coyote or something, I’m not sure, but he’s hurt real bad...No, not one of mine. Karen found him in the woods.” There’s another pause. “The new manager, yeah, listen- you comin’ out or not?” Frank waits for the vet to answer, when he nods and catches Karen’s eye to give her a thumbs up her shoulders sag in relief. “Good man, Doc. We’ll see ya soon.” He hangs up and walks cautiously back to her. 

“How long until he gets here?” Karen asks, going back to her vigil over the horse. DJ brought in some hay and water while they were leading him to the barn. The horse is currently taking deep, deep swallows of the water. The drinks visibly swell his stomach, stretching the taut ribs that are stark against his skin. Not for the first time, Karen wonders who could possibly mistreat such a beautiful animal.

“30 minutes at the most, Tom lives in town, but he’ll hightail it up here.” Frank answers. 

“Good, that’s good.” She whispers, head going against the stall in exhaustion. The day is catching up with her. 

“Look, Karen-” 

“What kind of monster could do that to an innocent horse?” Karen means to say it in her head but once the words are out in the open she realizes she needs another human being to answer her. She needs Frank to answer her. 

Frank is silent for a long time before finally saying, “It takes the worst kind, ma’am. The kind that sees something beautiful and just wants to watch it burn.” 

Karen nods, as if she knew that was the answer all along. “He’ll be okay, we’ll make sure he’s okay. That nothing like that ever happens to him again.” 

His warm, large hand encompassing her shoulder surprises her but she doesn’t tense. Something about his touch calms the raging storm of fear inside her. “He’s safe here, Karen, I promise.” 

When she finally tears her eyes away from the horse to look at Frank, she’s struck by something in his eyes that she’s never seen before. It’s protective and caring and sad, all at the same time. _How can anyone possibly have such expressive eyes?_

She wants to put her arms around him, rest her head against his, and just breathe in the comfort that he’s offering her. Instead, she just gives him a tired smile and says, “I know, Frank.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Karen found a horse. I've literally planned these moments from the very beginning so it's very exciting to finally see them come to light. This is going to be a very important moment in Frank and Karen's story. 
> 
> Comment and tell me what you thought! 
> 
> Love,  
> kamlo-ren (geez)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I've started the outline on chapter two and will be writing that through out the weekend, so we'll see when that gets done. Please comment and tell me what you think! I am so excited about this story!
> 
> Follow me at kamlo-ren.tumblr.com


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